Let’s take steps to improve our parenting

Prof Lukoye Atwoli (Daily Nation, March 25) opined that “Parenting is an ever evolving journey shaped by societal, economic and technological changes”. I couldn’t agree with him more. Over time, parenting has acutely evolved.

The present day children and parents sharply contrast with the yesteryears ones. The modern approach towards parenting is shockingly subtle while the former was tough and active. The modern parent is overly protective and largely individualistic. In the past, parenting was principally a communal thing; it took the whole society to raise a child. With the modern parents beleaguered by an array of issues, they leave their children under caregivers and sometimes teachers.

Indubitably, parental absenteeism has taken a heavy toll on the general upbringing of children. Many children are left wallowing in confusion. They are starved of the most critical component in their growth journey—parents as role models. Sadly, with modernity and the pressures of life ranging from eking out a living and delivering at work, the child grows up deprived of this salient ingredient of parenting. As a result, children compensate the absence of their parents with the readily available obnoxious role models on social media, where they are likely to learn and adopt repugnant behaviour.

Parenting

Many contemporary writers have weighed in on issues of parenting. Can parenting affect a child’s upbringing? Charles Mungoshi, in his short story, ‘The Sins of the Fathers’, has creatively navigated this thorny issue of parenting. Rondo’s father, Rwafa, an ex-minister, is thoroughly satirised by the writer. He is depicted as lacking parenting skills by how he handles his only son, Rondo.

At an early age of four years old, his father reacts angrily when he arrives home and finds his son strumming tunelessly on his guitar. He scolds him and breaks his musical instrument saying no son of his will ape musicians. The fact that his son didn’t even know the musicians his father was ranting about makes Rwafa face severe opprobrium as a father. Rondo pees in his shorts and develops a fear of his father at a very tender age.

Rwafa commits very many other sins towards his son. He openly belittles him using demeaning words like slob, fails to support his marriage with Selina and gets him a job as a journalist yet he was not a brilliant journalist. In this story, the writer shows how Rwafa’s son develops low self-esteem, develops a stammer and withdraws from his father as a result of toxic parenting.

 Parents should provide a fecund environment for their children to thrive. As Prof Lukoye rightly said “…children continue to need guidance, emotional support and reassurance well beyond their formative years”. With the exponential increase in depression not only among adults and children, parenting continues to be a herculean task.

There is need to have regular seminars to educate young and old parents about modern approaches to good parenting. Carl Jung says “Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk”.

The writer is an author and teaches at Baricho Boys. jdanyieni@gmail.com