Ever heard of ping-pong diplomacy? It was a way of breaking the ice using table tennis tournaments between the US and Communist China that preceded President Richard Nixon’s ground-breaking visit to Beijing in 1972. Here in Kenya, we have started a curious dance of what I can only call “goat diplomacy”.
Have you noticed how, lately, Raila Odinga has been receiving goats gifted by sundry visitors to his Karen residence? Kiambu Governor James Nyoro has brought his. So has the elegant Nairobi acting Governor Ann Kananu. Incidentally, as she posed for the obligatory photo-op with Baba, I noticed she is a head taller.
I had expected Senator Gideon Moi and President Uhuru Kenyatta’s brother Muhoho to bring some goats too when they came to see Baba. Well, in this instance they didn’t. Maybe they had heard one was being slaughtered and they were eager to join the party. They sure looked well fed when they came out for their photo-op.
Outwardly, it’s all about coming to wish Baba speedy recovery after his recent bout with Covid-19. Or is there some symbolism I am missing? Is there a grand political betrothal in the offing, perhaps?
In many African cultures, goats come as part of the dowry package ahead of a marriage. The goats are being brought in pairs. At this rate, Baba's compound will be like a huge goat kraal. I fear the Karen neighbours may get a little uncomfortable with that.
And apart from the additional nuisance for Mama Ida of the copious goat droppings, there is also the problem of what Baba will do with all these animals. Of course he could relocate them to his rural Bondo farm. There are cheeky proposals he opens a commercial slaughterhouse, but that will sound to his loyal fans like demeaning him. Not to worry, though; the Eid el-Fitr celebrations are due soon and Baba can give joy to his Muslim supporters by sharing his goats.
Kenyans can be charitable when they are not whining about everything. Some have touted goat soup as a tonic for corona, which had attacked Baba. I would personally recommend goat spleen, which I hear has strong medicinal qualities. The goat presentation visits to Karen are coming amid a flurry of other meticulously staged photo-ops across the land.
Remember the “accidental” encounter between Kakamega Governor Wycliffe Oparanya and Hustler-in-Chief William Ruto in Maasai Mara? Alas, even Uhuru himself did his own public spin with Baba shortly afterward when they gallivanted all over Nairobi for a whole day. Uhuru was in quite a rush to drag Baba out of confinement, yet we could see he had not fully recuperated.
A most curious photo-op was one arranged by the passive foursome of Musalia Mudavadi, Kalonzo Musyoka, Senator Moses Wetang’ula and Gideon on the green lawn of Weta’s Nairobi compound.
They sat in a circle on comfortable outdoor chairs chatting and taking in the cool Nairobi air. The meeting had the casual ambience of an earlier one at State House grounds hosted by Uhuru for three Coast governors who have been associates of Baba.
What caught the interest of hawk-eyed Twitter busybodies when photos of the Musalia-Kalonzo-Gideon-Weta meeting were posted online was the empty chair that seemed reserved for somebody. There was all manner of animated conjecture about who the seat may have been reserved for. Some wags even suggested – implausibly – the missing guest could have been Francis Atwoli.
Actually the trade union chief has his own preferred crowd he hosts at his Kajiado digs. The regulars include the Jubilee flamethrower David Murathe, Senator James Orengo (or alternately Baba’s favourite mouthpiece Junet Mohammed), and the Murang'a politico Peter Kenneth. The most recent get-together at Atwoli’s place saw the induction of Jubilee secretary-general Raphael Tuju into the group.
Atwoli must be a very inventive host; the visitors always emerge for their photo-ops beaming like people who have devised the best way to skin a cat. The fun thing about this group is that they – read Atwoli and Murathe – are not shy going public about which cat they are plotting to skin.
I remember the months leading up to Daniel arap Moi's departure from this world and how his Kabarak home became a meeting point for all sorts of ambitious wayfarers. Baba, Kalonzo, Mombasa Governor Hassan Joho, et cetera – all made pilgrimages there.
An attentive Gideon was always at hand to meet the guests and usher them to his ailing dad. The photos would faithfully appear in the newspapers and TV news bulletins.
Hustlers would mutter with gritted teeth that Gideon was turning his father's visitors' room into his (Gideon) campaign space.
The craze for high-level photo-ops is particularly intense in the current season. A lot of courtships are being conducted and potential marriages explored. There will be hook-ups that will hold and others that will end in loud and messy break-ups.
Meanwhile, we can all enjoy watching as goats are exchanged, quiet tete-a-tetes are held in game parks, and cats get skinned in secluded ranches.
