Church blessed Ruto, can it now pray for low prices?

There are those calling on the Church in Kenya to get out of politics and play the opposition role – I am not one of them.

As a cradle Roman Catholic, I started singing in our sub-Parish choir way before I was born.

It would give my mother mental health complications if she heard that the boy who kicked in her tummy when she was belting Ave Maria now thinks he’s mature enough to administer exams to his spiritual teachers.

There are curses that I welcome in my life, but sparring with the Holy Spirit is where I draw the line.

It has always been my personal ambition to make peace with the things that don’t concern me; the current debate on who – between UDA party members and Jesus Christ – loves the Church the most, is one of them.

This matter would’ve been solved through a simple opinion poll had polling firms not been nursing reputational injuries arising from the accident of predicting the just-concluded elections.

We would’ve expected Twitter pollsters to stand in the gap but they’ve also stayed away because they’re afraid of embarrassing Jesus since he only had 12 followers.

Christ’s Church 

No Kenyan of sound mind would want to antagonise Christ’s Church as being inside one comes with a truckload of forgivable privileges.

It’s only in church where weeping in front of your mother-in-law is a sign of manly courage and drinking wine from a blessed chalice makes teetotallers praise alcohol for letting them sin in a manner that pleases God.

Everyone appreciates the role the Kenyan church played in planting seeds of love in the just-concluded political campaigns.

They took political sides early in the race and declared those not giving Harambee money not spiritual enough to qualify for anointing oil.

Now that their candidate of choice is sleeping with the sword, whoever refuses to let the Church in Kenya eat from where they sowed doesn’t want the clergy to develop eating complications.

Had the Kenyan church not taken up the role of the United Nations peacekeepers and not asked to be paid for it, the 2022 elections would have gone to the canines.

They were instrumental in praying for politicians to concede defeat even before the conclusion of the electoral process, echoed by a resident choir at the Bomas auditorium singing hymns that reminded losers to accept God’s will, even after the IEBC refused to tell us at which polling station God voted.

But God will continue working in mysterious ways. It was just Tuesday this week when those anointed by the church took the oath of office, and four days later, already find themselves in hot water.

The noise arising from higher fuel and electricity prices might be causing panic in the new government, but there’s no miracle Jesus didn’t empower the church to perform at the right price, and it hasn’t taken them long.

The church is already lining up at State House speaking in tongues for popularity ratings to behave because if they don’t work their magic once again, the front pews would dry up with their fat tithe allocation.

Everyone needs that kind of magic in their lives. I’d be the last person to turn my back on the very institution that fed me hope when nutritionists advised that they give me food instead.

Unlike the Kenyan clergy who spray anointing oil like a knapsack, I do not have a Theology degree, which disqualifies me from informing the Kenyan church that God isn’t pleased with the direction they’re leading the flock.

I might have been named after a most famous Archangel, but I neither have wings to fly advice across church gatekeepers nor am I competent enough to be the Patron Saint of anti-church protests.

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