The hustler government wishes to inform the general public that we are in receipt of a scary memo sent to us by the Kenya Medical Practitioners, Pharmacists and Dentists’ Union (KMPDU) warning the ministry of Health of some bad things if we do not cede to doctors’ long list of demands.
To begin win, may it be known to all our supporters, in Kenya and the diaspora, that the hustler government still believes in the healing power of prayer rallies and the critical role our healthcare practitioners play in collecting patient fees after Benny Hinn had brought God from the United States of America to heal the sick in Kenya.
That the KMPDU waited for Benny Hinn to leave the country before issuing threats to the hustler government points to a sinister motive by the union officials to discredit the national government for their failure to host the healing crusade inside medical facilities.
The hustler government has made it clear, time without number, that we could not host Benny Hinn at the Kenyatta National Hospital because there is no available pavilion enough for 60,000 patients inside the hospital grounds.
At a time like this when the government is broke and many of our shareholders are still waiting for public appointments, anyone blackmailing us with withholding services, will have to wait until the IEBC confirms their shareholding status in the hustler government.
Those claiming to be government shareholders but are using opposition tactics like street protests, should know that the reason we are sending our police to Haiti is for them to improve their anti-riot skills in exerting the force of gravity on the necks of those who may misconstrue our government’s patience for weakness.
On behalf of all hustlers in the Republic of Kenya who are tired of going to hospitals with no basic medical equipment, no doctors and no drugs, and on my own behalf and that of my prayerful family, we wish to remind all doctors to go back to their places of work and sit there behind those empty shelves.
Doctors who are on the streets complaining that they did not spend eight years in medical school to be posted to health facilities with no supporting medical infrastructure to discharge their duties, should understand that the hustler government was elected on the basis of praying for every problem bedeviling the country and any government employee who ranks street protests above prayer rallies does not believe in God.
The hustler government wishes to take this earliest opportunity to remind the KMPDU officials, that they may have been the brightest bulbs in the their previous schools but not a single day will the Kenya Power and Lighting Company (KPLC) ask them to connect their brains to the national grid to plug the energy supply deficit that we currently face. There is something the KPLC knows that we do not know.
We also wish to remind the KMPDU that Tuesday, March 12 – the last day for which their demands must be met – is not a day for doctors alone, it is also for patients who were not healed by Benny Hinn. If they do not change their mind between now and Tuesday, they should inform the government in advance.
Since time immemorial, this country has witnessed cowboy contractors who are paid to lay out pristine superhighways only to deliver potato farms. When we brought the Bible down at the Kasarani stadium more than one and-a-half years ago, we promised all hustlers that never again will cartels take up public money and fail to deliver the goods. On Tuesday, March 12, we invite the KMPDU to join Kenyan patients in asking Benny Hinn to return the money he was paid for every miracle that was not delivered.
When the hustler government invited Benny Hinn to heal the sick and raise the dead, we had gone through the memo given to us by the KMPDU which said that Kenya is yet to meet the bare minimum standard of the doctor-to-patient ratio; and even if the Ministry of Health were to absorb every doctor who graduates it will take us an additional 55 years to achieve the cut, assuming no doctor dies, no doctor retires and no doctor quits service.
Instead of downing their tools and threatening us with fire and brimstone if we do not post the 1,200 medical interns, the KMPDU should have read their own memorandum and joined the government in asking for a refund of our money that we have been paying evangelical pastors to heal the sick, because had they did their job, our hospitals would have been empty and hence doctors would be earning a salary for turning up at work to supervise the cleaning of the premises.
The current efforts by the Leader of Majority Kimani Ichungwah to sponsor a State Capture Bill, that seeks to address past historical injustices in the pilferage of billions of public money by well-connected individuals is not only timely but also a welcome relief. Finally, the public will get to know the identities of the well-connected individuals at State House who have been hiring their evangelical friends to dispense fake miracles at the taxpayers’ expense.
As a result of these greedy individuals masquerading as faith healers and God-chosen prophets, the hustler government has not been able to provide ring-fenced funding for the hiring of the 1,200 medical interns since the funding has always been allocated towards the hiring of spiritual tents, blessed public address system, ordained chairs, non-carcinogenic pyrotechnics, and consecrated allowances for men and women of God to buy anointing fuel for their high-end guzzlers.
As we look forward to the beginning of the protests on Tuesday, we would like to wish KPMDU Secretary General Dr Davji Atella a quick recovery, and we promise that all the officers who colluded in his shooting have been placed first on the list of those going to Haiti.
