The hustler government wishes to extend its sincere appreciation to all the MPs in the Azimio coalition who were absent from the Chambers during the crucial vote for the Finance Bill this week.
While a majority of hustlers have called you all manner of names and threatened you with fire and brimstone, we assure you that leaving the Chambers to answer the call of nature is still a biological right enshrined in the laws of nature.
When we took the oath of office nine months ago, we put the Bible in the air and made an oath to protect the rights of all MPs, including the right to walk out for a call of nature from those who were chosen by God.
We thank all opposition MPs who heeded the call of our intercessors and walked out to receive the good news that Christ went to heaven to build us affordable housing and anyone refusing to give the government all his money is guilty of investing on earth against Bible teachings that we should all invest in heaven.
Your absence without apology during this week’s crucial vote was well and gleefully noted, and if you continue with the same trend we will soon invite you to State House for a date with our intercessors to bless you for doing the Lord’s work in their absence.
We thank you for supporting the government agenda on food security and we promise to stand by you every step of the way, and we wouldn’t want to preach water and drink wine as this is a government of teetotalers.
No one should threaten you with sanctions if you don’t explain in diagrams why you abandoned suffering Kenyans and voted with your alimentary canal.
We already signed a memorandum of understanding that threats are only supposed to be used as a voting tool if you belong to the government side of the House, and there should be no competition about this method of whipping MPs from any quarter, not least from those who don’t believe in the power of the Holy Spirit to win anyone an election.
We, therefore, wish to sound an early warning to any other political faction operating in the same business environment to stop using any copyrighted political strategy that is solely the preserve of the hustler government with immediate effect, or we shall report them to the Kenya Copyright Board for copyright infringement.
The penalties for plagiarizing our political tactics include, but are not limited to; sponsoring internal revolt in your party structures and working with like-minded government bodies to dissolve your party like glucose.
Any political party that is under the illusion that they can compete with the hustler government for funds to buy MPs should know that when God chose us to run this country in August last year, He also gave us the keys to the Treasury to use the money in ways that pleases State House intercessors who are in charge of pacifying hungry Kenyans with Bible verses that do not touch on the soft side of government.
We promised to put money in the pockets of every Kenyan regardless of tribe or political affiliation and we intend to keep this promise even with opposition MPs.
We, therefore, encourage all hustlers to join us in celebrating all opposition MPs who heeded the call and missed the debate on the Finance Bill 2023 this week.
We also applaud all opposition MPs who walked out of the chambers to go check their bank balance. For a long time, Generation Z has disparaged you for not being tech-savvy and giving bank managers a hard time whenever Internet banking was suggested to you.
We are glad that you have taken your lessons seriously and relieved bank managers of the pressure of clearing the token numbers inside the banking hall before the clock ticks for the doors to be closed.
In these difficult times when Kericho and Bomet tea pickers are fighting technology for stealing their jobs, we thank opposition MPs for embracing technology and looking for network outside the chambers without creating a scene or inviting the presence of anti-riot police. We shall remember your relatives when looking for new employees at the ICT Authority.
We are aware there may be a few MPs who are not driven by material possessions and may be tempted to stand on the side of the people and make the government look bad. Any MP who feels they are too expensive for taxpayers’ money should tell the country why they don’t want to be launched as a government project at a time other projects are begging the government not to cut development funding allocated to them in the spirit of austerity.
While the hustler government would like to encourage all Kenyans to follow their conscience and stand with the truth in their various spheres of influence, we would like to remind those who may be tempted to follow this route to first acquaint themselves with the word of God in John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
At this time when we are fighting mushrooming religious cults, we will come down heavy on any MP masquerading as the purveyor of the truth when the Bible already indicated to us whom we should all follow when we are looking for the truth about Kenyans in financial distress.
The hustler government will not hesitate to decommission any MP using the Finance Bill 2023 to form a political church and masquerade as Jesus Christ.
We urge all Kenyans to stand up with the body of Christ and shun all agents of the devil being used to cause panic among the general congregation. We hope the few MPs who are being used by the devil will see the light and return to Christ soon. Otherwise, there is only one hell in the Bible and Kenyans should help us to kick all of them back there.
