‘Virus has robbed me my wife, shattered my life’

"I am a widower thanks to Covid-19,” cries Mark Onyango whose wife succumbed to the deadly virus.

What hurt him the most was that he never got the chance to mourn or bury his wife as he and his two children were whisked into isolation around mid-May immediately his spouse succumbed to the disease.

While in isolation at the Technical University of Mombasa, the casual labourer did not know how to tell his children why they had been taken to the facility and the whereabouts of their mother.

He avoided his children like a plague to evade numerous questions on where their mother was, when she would join them, why she hadn’t joined them and why he couldn’t call her so that they could talk to her and convince her to join them at the facility.

"They are too young to understand why were at the facility. They thought it was a trip. But they definitely knew something was amiss when they saw doctors and the drugs they were prescribed to take. I convinced them we had to be separated because we were sick and we couldn’t stay close to her lest we infected her,” he said, looking depressed.

It is a topic he will revisit soon when he gathers the courage to tell them the truth, he added.

Cried every night

Every night, he would go to the washrooms and cry for about two hours.

"My children and I tested positive after the death of my wife. I could not let my children see my tears, I had to be strong for them but deep down I was really hurting. The tears are helping me in the healing process. The virus has robbed me of my wife….it has shattered my life.  Life will never be the same again,” he said depressingly.

The father and his sons were asymptomatic.

He said his wife did not have any underlying condition but she died too soon without biding them farewell.

At the isolation facility, the man in his 40s adhered to doctors’ prescription including taking his medication until he and his children fully recovered after more than 30 days. He also received psychological treatment to help him heal mentally.

To date, Mr Onyango is not aware how his wife got the virus. The more he wants closure, the more it hurts him.

Needs closure

"I do not want to forget my wife, never ever. But I need closure. It’s now four months but the memory is as fresh as yesterday. I live one day at a time,” the depressed man said.

He said he was very frustrated while in isolation worrying over his other three elder sons who had luckily tested negative.

"But that is long gone; I am trying to live for the moment. I have reunited with my five children and we are trying to live. I am now their mother and father,” he added.

The casual labourer is among two widowers and a widow who revealed how they are trying to pick up the pieces after the deaths of their spouses due to Covid-19.

In Mombasa Old Town, a widow had to go back to her parents’ home following the demise of her husband.

Her husband had an underlying health condition.  

“We had even taken him to a hospital overseas only for him to come back home to die, leaving me and our children alone. He left me at my lowest moment, with children to take care of, jobless and with no one to turn to,” said Ms Rahma.

She went into self-quarantine after her husband succumbed to the disease on May 10.

No time to mourn

“I never got time to mourn him as I was also battling the virus. But we give thanks to God in everything. I am lucky my parents stood by me. I went back home because I could not afford the over Sh40,000 monthly rent among other bills,” she added.

Her brother said their family is happy their last-born sister is home.

“We were very worried when she was in self quarantine with her children. Losing her husband drove her crazy but she is now fairing on well. My sister’s coronavirus tests kept turning positive and negative for the four times she was tested,” he added.

But for John, it was double tragedy losing his wife and his source of livelihood after he was fired from a company he had worked for for over 10 years.

Insensitive landlord

“My landlord was insensitive; he kept threatening me with eviction. But stigma was the worst thing I ever faced. But I am trying to pick up the pieces. My wife left me with two children. I am now into business as I bring them up in the best way she would have wanted,” he said.

John says he was victimised by his neighbours in Mvita who claimed he had brought the disease to the area.

He was forced to relocate to his rural home in Kwale for two months.

“I came back and shifted to another house. I saw my wife dying; I was so helpless, I cried like a child. I know Covid-19 is real,” he added.

A counselling psychologist, Ms Jamila Mohammed, says the virus has changed many lives.

“I know life has changed and there's anxiety but this is a new normal. It is sad but the virus is real,” she added.

Mombasa County Health Chief Officer Khadija Shikely urged patients suffering from other ailments, especially diabetes and high blood pressure, to seek treatment in hospitals.

“Do not fear going to the hospital due to coronavirus. Do not suffer at home due to Covid-19. Let’s go to the hospitals,” she begged while warning residents against stigmatising coronavirus patients.

“We have cases of many people who are undergoing stigma after recovering from the virus. This is a disease that can affect anyone and people heal,” said Dr Shikely.

Statistics from the county indicate 99 per cent of all the people who succumbed to Covid-19 in Mombasa had underlying health conditions.

Mombasa has reported over 2,000 coronavirus cases and over 60 fatalities with Mvita being the major hotspot.