Behind the Byline: The mental load of journalism
There is a gap in attending to the mental wellness of journalists and first responders.
From a budding digital entertainment journalist to a renowned presenter of Broken News, a segment he coined, Kimani Mbugua lifted the spirits of his audiences with his comical yet informative take on current and out-of-the-ordinary stories happening on the interwebs. He was a star in the making until sometime in 2019 when his family says they started noticing something was off with the journalist whose career had just begun to take off.
At the time of writing, Kimani was in a rehabilitation facility in Mombasa County after another public meltdown on his Tiktok account sometime in May.
We travelled to Maragua, where he grew up and spoke with his sister, Wanjiku Mbugua, about what life was like before her brother began mental illness.
Kimani is the eldest of four siblings. On the day that we visited, his parents had travelled to Nairobi to admit him to Mathari Hospital for a toxicology test after another manic episode that he posted online went viral.
"We grew up with a strong Christian foundation as Seventh-day Adventists. We were close as siblings, and even when we were young, mum used to sew for us matching outfits," says Wanjiku as she shuffles through old photographs, searching for childhood memories that would place her and her brother in one location.
One photo stands out: a younger Kimani in a black-tailored Chinese-collar suit with golden embroidery. He didn't smile but looked directly into the camera. Wanjiku, on the other hand, had a shy smile in her white dress.
"This was our first time in Nairobi. This picture was taken at the Kenya International Conference Centre rooftop," she says with a nostalgic smile.
Kimani was an avid reader and a brilliant mind. He excelled in his studies, and even Wanjiku relied on his tutoring skills whenever she had difficulties with schoolwork. She says her brother was the peacemaker and always provided guidance to them whenever they disagreed as siblings. However, when he moved to university, Wanjiku noted that he started acting differently.
"In the first year after joining Moi University Main Campus in Eldoret, he would update us on the church activities he partook. But in the second year, he became reclusive and hardly spoke about the church," she says.
While her brother's talent and excellence at the Moi University FM radio station propelled him into the media, it took a phone call to his mother sometime in 2019 for the family to become deeply concerned about Kimani.
"He called mum, asking a lot of questions concerning the church. She told him to pray and wait for God to reveal the right thing to him. Mum felt that Kimani was not okay. Around the same time, Kimani posted a video on his social media pages where he said the church we belonged to was a cult," Wanjiku recalls.
While all this was happening, Kimani had established himself as one of the country's most sought-after entertainment and social media reporter. But as his fame grew, so did his distance from his family.
"The relationship between us grew cold to the point he didn't want anything to do with us. I felt it. Even when he got the job at Citizen TV, we found out through social media and it really hurts us as his sisters," she adds.
When Wanjiku finished her Form 4 examinations and was pursuing a course in Fashion and Design, her mother prevailed upon Kimani to house her.
“I moved in with him and that is when Kimani told me that he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was shocked since I had never heard about mental health diseases, and I have been trying to understand if it could be genetic,” she explains.
During her time with Kimani, Wanjiku had a front-row seat to his manic episodes, which sometimes saw him turn against her.
Kimani's struggles with mental illness and drug abuse have taken a toll on his mother as well. Wanjiku says that their mother, who is the pillar of faith in their home, has lost her vigour.
"I cannot recall the last time mum went to church. She now has hypertension and on some days she cannot leave the bed. She keeps asking whom she wronged, but I have to remind her that we also need her," she adds tearfully.
James Kahongeh, a writer who previously worked with Kimani, knew him from the university.
"I graduated a year ahead of Kimani, but we started at Nation Media Group as interns around the same time and have been friends ever since. Kimani has been a huge part of my life as a friend and brother; in fact, we used to live in the same apartment block," Kahongeh recalls.
It was at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic that James found out just how bad things were for Kimani.
“A cousin of his asked me if Kimani had any mental health struggles but I told them I hadn't seen any other than the occasional fatigue we were going through careerwise,” he says.
Kimani's family said he had quit his job at Citizen TV and had been oscillating between normalcy and manic episodes as he tried to build his online social media platforms as a content creator. These avenues always take a hit, as they have now, when he is hospitalised for his mental illness.
For a journalist like Kimani, mental health is everything. It is the difference between being competent and being able to do your job. Mental illness is usually reported as something that happens to other people, not in the newsroom. But it is a double-edged sword, and I went in search of other journalists who have gone public with their mental health struggles.
Ngare Kariuki is a writer who formerly worked as a reporter for the Daily Nation. He has since moved into the non-profit sector, where he works in strategic communications. He is a graduate Civil Engineer whose love for weaving words into meaningful and impactful texts landed him in the newsroom immediately after graduation when he joined the Nation Media Group's Management Trainee Programme – the Media Lab.
"I have loved stories and poetry for as long as I can remember. I have always thought about writing as a hobby and not something I would do as a career," he says.
From covering breaking news to feature stories, Ngare went through the motions in the newsroom. His engineering background made him an asset, especially in covering building collapses. But he says he was always drawn to the human stories in the events he covered.
"I loved feature stories because I was able to walk with a person through their experience to the point that led to the breaking news and the stories I felt fulfilled writing about were those that led to something being done about the crises I had covered," he explains.
However, a trip to Chemolingot to reconcile warring communities over cattle rustling by the National Cohesion and Integration Commission would set the dominoes on Ngare's capacity as a journalist. This incident would unravel a painstaking journey into his discovery that he had a mental health condition all along.
"I remember engaging with people who had lost everything and meeting children whose dream was to grow up and kill the opposing community. I did a lot of interviews, and after we returned to Nairobi, I recall looking at my notes and having no idea who I had interviewed. I thought I needed a day or two to rest. The fatigue and appetite loss persisted. I didn't feel like returning to work and I disappeared," he says.
When he finally had the courage to return to work, he told the HR manager that he had lost interest.
"Initially, HR thought I was resigning, but when I told her what was wrong with me, she recommended that I seek professional help. And that is how I ended up in the hospital," he explains.
Ngare was diagnosed with Depression and General Anxiety Disorder, a discovery that struck home with his mother and helped him understand his personality while growing up.
"When I told my mum about my diagnosis, we checked it out on Google together, and she told me this is exactly how your dad was, and it is how you've been for many years. I was a troubled child who liked to isolate... I would have depressive states but we didn't know about it," he adds.
The next hurdle was Ngare sharing his mental diagnosis with his colleagues in the newsroom.
"At first, I thought I would be seen as weak, but I decided to share my story nonetheless in the work WhatsApp group and write opinion pieces. A moment of vulnerability became an opportunity to see people in a different light, people who were struggling. And some of my colleagues even reached out to me saying they were going through the same thing," he says.
A short while after going public with his mental health condition, Ngare resigned and worked in Public Relations before settling in development communication.
"When I came out with my story, I faced a lot of confusion and people trying to understand what was going on, but I have seen other colleagues who have manic episodes being subjected to stigma," Ngare adds.
When Verah Okeyo joined the newsroom, she had a secret. At 19, she was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, but to her colleagues and bosses, she was an erudite Health and Science reporter whose work won her local and international recognition.
"I never took it seriously because, at the back of my head, depression was a curse. You had to have done something wrong," she says.
To mask her depression, Vera made sure that she always had stories lined up for her down days.
"I am very organised; I had a Google Drive folder where I would put future feature stories. No one assigned these stories, but I collected them whenever I was out in the field on assignment. I did this so that in future nobody would doubt my productivity or if something is wrong with me."
Downtime meant she had been admitted to a mental health facility while she was going through a depressive state.
In retrospect, Verah believes that had she spoken about her mental illness at the beginning of her career, it could have been used against her.
"I didn't want a 'pity me' situation. Had I said that I had a mental illness at the very beginning, I think my career path would have gone a different way."
2019 was a pivotal year for Verah. She had spent Christmas and New Year at a psychiatric ward.
"I could not sleep or eat. I lost weight. I couldn't write 100 words. All of my episodes were not triggered. Sometimes, depression can be triggered by something acute. At that time, I was doing pretty well socially and financially."
It was during a work meeting that Verah went public with her mental health status after 12 years of keeping it under wraps.
"People were like, ‘we don't believe you’. I don't look like someone with depression, and it's because something goes into it. I have medication. I see my psychiatrist, Dr Hinga, regularly. My work doesn't fit into depression. Depression fits into my lifestyle," she says.
According to Dr Frank Njenga, the former co-chair of the Taskforce on Mental Health, there is a gap in attending to the mental wellness of journalists and first responders.
"There is something called vicarious trauma. This is what police, journalists and first responders in disaster situations go through. We saw it in 1998 during the August 8th bomb attack and even during the 2007/2008 Post Election Violence.”
Dr Njenga says that the abuse of alcohol and other drugs amongst journalists is a manifestation of vicarious trauma, which sometimes can be misinterpreted as a behavioural problem.
"Kenya has a serious drug and substance abuse problem. Most of these problems are not affecting morally bankrupt people; these are diseases, and as much as prayers have a role to play in the treatment of disease, there are clinical and medical interventions by experts."
The Task Force on Mental Health in Kenya was formed in 2019 after former President Uhuru Kenyatta recognised the burden of depression in the country and directed the ministries of Health, Education, Labour and Social Protection, and Public Service Youth and Gender Affairs to formulate a policy response that would address mental health challenges in the country. The main recommendation of the task force was to declare mental illness a national public health emergency, which has not been done.
"The government should take this matter with the weight it is entitled to. Declaring mental illness a national disaster is a legal concept because the consequences are huge and far-reaching," adds Dr Njenga.
A 2021 report by the Media Council of Kenya on the state of mental health in Kenya surveyed 332 journalists and more than half of them were able to identify a mental health problem in themselves or a colleague. The same pool of journalists were also aware of a colleague who had experienced mental health problems.
In the study, journalists blamed conflict reporting, intimidation in the line of duty, the Covid-19 pandemic, work pressure, a toxic work environment, lack of frequent counselling, a bad boss, poor pay, being overworked and a lack of work-life balance.
Ngare and Verah believe that access to mental health care should be a priority, even for freelance journalists.
"Mental health challenges do not always look like health issues. They look like social issues; they look like personality, professionalism issues, and it is usually a cry for help," says Ngare.
"If you had diabetes and you didn't get insulin, you would die. But that is not the case for people with psychiatric conditions; we need to make people have access to care even when you look at fully functional hospitals like Mathari. The money given to it is very little; it is overburdened; the bed capacity is chaotic," adds Verah.
The Taskforce Report on Mental Health also recommends that employers ensure healthy working spaces and fully-fledged wellness centres in learning institutions, staffed with psychologists.
Dr Frank Njenga says the best part of preventing mental illness is in the adolescent stage.
"We have science-based evidence that the most effective way of dealing with mental health issues is to invest in the mental health of adolescents and children. It is more effective than building roads and dams and power stations. This is an effective strategy and an instrument of national development," he explains.
It's been three months since Kimani Mbugua was admitted to the Mombasa Women's Hospital, a rehabilitation centre, and we caught up with his father, Dedan Mbugua, to find out how Kimani has been coping since his admission.
"Kimani is not mad. I am at war and must ensure he comes out of this safely and well. My son has been through a lot. He lost his financial status. He lost touch with friends whom he thought were friends, but he will still make a comeback,"
Mr Mbugua speaks with an acquired wisdom. The kind that only comes after a life-changing experience. He, too, has had to find the courage to face a reality he never thought would be his.
"People think that when your son is on TV, you are special people. So when Kimani had his first mental health crisis back in the village, word went around that my son was mad. The stigma made me shy away from meeting my fellow wazees; his sisters and my wife were also affected."
Now the Mbugua family is working to rebuild a mental health facility to help other families with relatives suffering from mental health problems.
"I was surprised that there are a lot of mental health patients who have been abandoned at Mathari, and I believe through the Kimani Mbugua Consortium we can offer a reprieve for those with mental illness in the community where they can recover and learn skills,"
This experience, the senior Mbugua says, has transformed him for the better.
"I used to be harsh, but when Kimani fell ill and would have manic episodes, I learnt to talk to him softly. I am telling my fellow wazees to listen to the young people, and reason together."
In 2022, former President Uhuru Kenyatta signed into law the Amended Mental Health Act, which aims to transform access to comprehensive mental health care for the mentally ill. The Act also provides for the establishment of county mental health councils and requires counties to budget for mental health in their annual health allocations.
The Media Council of Kenya report also notes the lack of adequate research on the mental well-being of journalists and recommends more in-depth academic studies on the state of mental health of journalists in the country.
