Experts share why performance anxiety in men is often needless

Viagra is approved for the treatment of erectile dysfunction in Kenya, as a prescription-only medicine (POM). However, it is commonly sold over the counter. The majority of men who buy Viagra do not have erectile dysfunction. Some buy to prove their virility while others use it to nip their performance anxieties. The second group is afraid of failing to rise to the occasion, and would rather get a booster than suffer the embarrassment of failing to summon an erection.

There are other healthy tricks one can use to get over performance anxiety without being exposed to the health risks of taking unprescribed performance-enhancing sex drugs.

Hinging your self-worth on an orgasm: According to Dr. Elliot D. Cohen, a psychotherapist and the author of The Dutiful Worrier: How to Stop Compulsive Worry Without Feeling Guilty, stop punishing yourself if you don’t always attain orgasm during intercourse.This also means you will need to stop faking orgasm and be comfortable with your sexuality. “The enjoyment reaped from the encounter need not be desecrated by failure to be orgasmic. It is what it is—and it can still be pleasant unless you dilute this pleasure with needless anxiety,” says Dr. Cohen. He points out that the result of the pursuit for sexual gratification must not be grief, regret, and body shaming due to a level of sexuality or sensuality that seems impossible to achieve. 

Stop thinking the pill will solve it all: According to Professor Joachim Osur, a sex medicine expert, performance anxiety could be accelerated when a man’s partner puts him down for his failure to launch. The psychological and erection failure will worsen if the woman threatens to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. “Treatment for performance anxiety will major on psychological problems more than the erection itself. This is because managing sexual dysfunctions is far more complex than just giving the man performance tablets,” he says.

You’re most likely not too small: Penile size is a major concern for men. No size seems big enough, and most men will quietly stay obsessed over their size and what their women think about it. If the man feels that he is too small, putting on a condom in front of his partner or having sex openly might be a problem. But according to Sue Mc Garvie, a sexologist and author of The Suburban Hedonist, most men who fear that their size is small are above the average normal size of 12.5 centimetres or 4.9 inches to 19.1 centimetres or 7.5 inches for adult men. While you obsess over size, the length of your penis will be the last thing your partner will worry about. “Women are not likely to be obsessed over how endowed their partners are. For the most part, women’s sexual satisfaction has to do with how great and experimental their partners are and not just the size of their partners’ penises,” she says.

Fear and procrastination: Fears over whether you will please and satisfy your partner, what your partner will think about your performance, and if they have been with someone better before you are all components of anxiety that will hinder you from an enjoyable intimate moment. “These are thoughts that shouldn't occupy you because you're simply not in a position to control what others think. Stop rating your sexual experience, especially while you are having it,” says Dr. Cohen. He recommends that you focus on what you can control. “This includes your subjective world of erotic thoughts, fantasies, sensations, and feelings,” he says.

After intimacy: Don’t exaggerate how bad the experience was to the extent of questioning your partner on whether you satisfied them or fell short. Don’t sulk or start promising that you will do a better job next time. According to Dr. Cohen, you must retain your human dignity at all times, even during a sexual encounter. “There is no point in trashing yourself. If the encounter was your first, you have plenty of time to learn and get to know each other’s erogenous zones as your relationship progresses,” he says.