What do men really want in a relationship?

Sex is considered as a man’s most prominent need. But men have needs beyond sex. What are these needs? What does the Kenyan man want? What do Kenyan experts have to say about these needs?

It is a mistake that women think all we want is sex and love. Respect comes on top of our list. Without respect love and sex are useless. We want our women to respect our space. When I tell you I am not feeling well, understand without nagging. Respect also means putting the toothbrush or the towel in the right places when you visit.  We love surprises just as women do. Socks, belts, and vests are no longer surprises. Our women should appreciate us more. We are human beings just like them. We do not like that the women in our lives are always asking for stuff. Give me money, buy me this or that, and take me here and there! How about they do the buying and they take us to places we are interested in going to sometimes? – Paul Letiwa, journalist.

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It is not a secret that every man wants regular doses of good sex. But while sex is a critical component in the engine of a relationship, it is not the only part that makes us tick. Sex is actually a minimal aspect of the relationship when contrasted with mental stability. A man’s greatest need from his woman is mental stability. If a woman is emotionally and mentally stable, the man will have peace, a listening ear, a source of calmness when things get tough, and most importantly, a woman he can sit down, reason, and make progressive decisions with – Lawrence Kinyua, chief executive officer of the construction firm, Archlaw Construction.

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There are women who have the tendency to manipulate us to get what they want instead of just making an honest and confident request. This is a major turn-off. We don’t want relationships where manipulation is the code word. In the same vein, with sexual relationships so liberated, we are afraid of our women cheating on us. We want fidelity. Not all men will leave their relationship in pursuit of the next prettier face that passes us on the street. We also want honesty. We don't want lies especially when it comes to money – Bob Denis Bogonko, Project Management Consultant.

Quick takeaway stats:

• A survey of 10,000 single men facilitated by the relationships journal Your Tango found 86 percent of men want a woman they can emotionally connect with.
• A study by dating app Tinder found 70 percent of women aged 18 to 35 years want a man who respects them for their choices. Respect goes both ways.
• Men are romantics at heart. Men want gifts and surprises just as women do. The trick, though, is in getting the things they want. A survey by London-based men’s brand The Savile Row Co found 80 percent of men prefer to get a predictable gift (socks, boxers, wallet, and watch) than something they do not want or will not use (hockey stick!)

Male experts’ takeaway:

• Men do not really care about love. A man will be more concerned about being with a stable woman who will earn him respect within his family and around his peers. This means a man will be comfortable with a woman who is not a drama queen, who is emotionally stable, and who knows her place in the relationship. This can only be possible if the woman is respectful to her man, especially in the things she says. Women must be cautious about what they say to their men, and to the world about the men in their lives. Men remember words forever. Women remember actions – Ken Munyua, a psychologist based in Nairobi.
• No matter how vigorously men may beat their chests, they are inhibited by insecurities about their sexual desirability. A man will be more likely to commit to you if he feels you think he is the most attractive man in the world. You must understand a man’s life is mostly dominated by the need to win in the world and among other men, and quite often, many men feel women do not understand what winning really means to them or make them feel that they are winning – Chris Hart, a psychologist and the author of Single & Searching.