Not even labour could hold back Christmas

Darla* is hard to miss in a crowd. She has a close-cropped platinum-blonde pixie cut and stands at 5ft 9in, further accentuated in her heels. She should have been a model in another life, with her flawless ebony skin and finely-chiselled cheek bones, but as they say, looks can be deceptive.

Darla is an accomplished petroleum engineer working for a multinational petroleum company. She met Carlos* through work and despite their hectic schedules, the couple got married two years later, with Carlos joking that he wondered whether his bride would make it to the wedding in time.

It took them five years to start a family, and this is when I met Darla. Despite her hectic travel schedules, Darla was now grounded at home because she was past the allowable gestation of pregnancy for flying. She worked at the local office and a lot more online. This was tough for a restless soul like Darla.

Darla did not let pregnancy cramp her style. She always arrived at the clinic looking like she just stepped off the runway. She insisted on wearing her heels despite my caution about it, and her makeup was always on point. She often joked that even at delivery, her baby had to meet this version of mum!

Darla’s baby was due on 2nd of January. I explained to the couple that this meant the baby could come anytime from Christmas all the way to a week after the due date. Darla was not happy about this level of uncertainty around the holiday season. She was miffed that she could not take off for Christmas to Laikipia, her favourite holiday spot, as she could not take the chance of labour starting when she was that far away.

Instead of pouting about it, Darla decided to bring the party home. She invited family, friends and colleagues to a Christmas eve dinner. She did not expect a large turnout since many people were away for holidays, but she was quite surprised to receive confirmation from almost 20 people, including a few business associates. She had the catering team lay out a barbeque dinner in the backyard, with plenty of food, drinks and holiday cheer. The bonfire was crackling and the music was blaring, with an air of camaraderie all around.

What Darla did not tell her husband is that by around 8pm, her labour had started. The hostess of the party was not going to abandon her guests until the party was over. Trust crazy Darla to do this. Dinner was done at 10.30pm, and the guests started departing one at a time. Darla’s contractions were still reasonably apart and she would draw deep breathes with a smile on her face as she saw off her guests. Whenever Carlos asked if she was OK, she nodded and simply put it down to a long day of planning and entertaining.

The last of the guests departed by 11.30pm. Carlos helped Darla up to their room for a shower before bed. Darla took a quick shower and instead of crawling into bed, Carlos found her all dressed up in a comfortable shift dress, hospital bag at hand. This is when Darla spilled the beans; throwing Carlos into an absolute panic!

He was dressing up while yelling at Darla the whole time for being crazy and endangering herself and the baby. All this while, Darla looked at him calmly, timing her contractions, while shaking her head. She was a first-time mum; she was scared and unsure but she was more stubborn that anything else. She was finishing what she started; this party and the baby on the way! Carlos’s outburst was a welcome distraction; she could channel her anxiety into amusement at her how her sure-footed husband had been reduced to a nervous wreck.

At 1am, Darla was wheeled into the labour unit, contracting actively. I walked in a few minutes behind them as Carlos blew up my phone with incessant calls to let me know they were in labour. He had no idea that Darla and I had been in communication for hours and we had been monitoring the contractions remotely. 

The labour ward had a Christmas tree with tinkling lights at the corner, acknowledging the holiday season. Upon examining Darla, we knew that her baby was going to be the first Christmas baby in our unit that Christmas! Once Darla was safely in the hands of the care experts, she let down her guard and the real mother in labour came out!

The calm person who was holding it together so that her panicky husband could get her to the hospital safely was gone. In her place, was a demanding, cursing sailor asking for a back rub, a hot water bottle and an ice pack, all at the same time. She would yell at Carlos at the height of a contraction, clinging onto his forearm for dear life, digging in her nails into his skin, demanding that he extracts the baby he put in her to stop the pain. The next minute he would be begging him not to leave her alone.

The transformation was hilarious. Carlos, who was the one babbling initially, was now the calm one, wiping his wife’s brow with a cold flannel cloth, rubbing her back and encouraging her to breathe. He was in full labour partner mode. He lifted the glass to her lips to take a sip of the cold calming water in-between the madness.

By 2am, Darla had abandoned her plan for natural pain control methods in labour, demanding an epidural. Unfortunately, her labour was far too advanced to have it administered. She was eight centimetres dilated already, with just another two to go before the baby came.

Darla wasn’t taking no for an answer, she lost her mind before I could tell her about her alternative option. She got off the bed and started waddling off, waving everyone off with tears rolling down her cheeks. It was no mean feat convincing Darla to get back on the bed and inhale nitrous oxide to ease her pain.

Thankfully in another hour, the cute little bundle made his way into the world, all 10 toes and 10 fingers intact, every bit his mother’s boy, down to the shy dimple on the left cheek! We witnessed another metamorphosis in momma bear, Darla the incredible hulk, was reduced to an emotional mess of a first-time mum, sobbing with joy at the miracle she and Carlos had brought forth. Carlos could only slump back on the seat and allow the chaotic emotions to wash over him. His annual emotional limit had been fully spent in one Christmas!

This Christmas, I’ll be reflecting on Joseph, the guy who had to be his virgin wife’s labour partner while she rode on a donkey all day, and to ultimately midwife the delivery of baby Jesus in a cattle shed! Joseph and Carlos both need a stiff one this Christmas!

Dr Bosire is a gynaecologist/ obstetrician