Fatherhood in the next life

Tabby walked into the restaurant with a spring to her step.

She was meeting her girlfriends for their ritual end-month hangout. It had been a tough past few weeks at work with lots of travel, but today was her last working day. 

She was taking leave for the next three months to restart her motherhood journey. With the Easter holidays around the corner, she joked about this being her last wine-accompanied supper. 

The girls sat around sipping cocktails and catching up with each other’s lives. They were all excited for Tabby.

While she had gracefully walked with them through weddings, pregnancy, motherhood, and in some instances, divorce, Tabby had not had a chance at either of these. Yet she remained steadfastly by their side through the ups and downs; the supportive bridesmaid, the favourite aunt of all their children and a shoulder to cry on during rocky moments. 

Tabby and Ivan dated for about three years while he was going through messy divorce proceedings.

His marriage had fallen apart because they were not able to have children and when his wife found out Ivan was the problem, she left him, egg in face, after conceiving with someone else. Ivan was heartbroken.

It took him a long time to trust again; even longer to open up about his infertility. But Tabby was not just any woman, she loved him, she was here to stay and she would find a way. 

At 36, Tabby was clear in her mind that she was not letting motherhood slip by while waiting for Ivan to be free to marry her.

They sought help with a fertility specialist who confirmed that indeed, Ivan’s ducts were blocked, explaining the absence of sperm in his ejaculate. The good news was that he did manufacture the sperm, even though it had nowhere to pass.

The couple was advised to undergo in-vitro fertilisation, requiring harvesting of Tabby’s eggs while concurrently harvesting Ivan’s sperm directly from the testicles. They were in awe at the thought of their future babies in the lab, awaiting Tabby’s next cycle for implantation into her womb. They had managed a total of nine healthy embryos. 

In the same week, the court finally granted Ivan his divorce! He was finally a free man.

He felt like shouting about it from the rooftops! He could finally marry the love of his life, a woman who had embraced him, warts and all. One who had not thrown his infertility in his face but had instead persisted until she found a way around it.

He was going to be a father and a legally wedded husband!  Tragedy has a wicked sense of humour. Two weeks after the joyful news, Ivan was driving back home after a week away for work when he was involved in a tragic road accident. Tabby was called from the accident scene by the police. She felt like someone had reached into her chest, ripped her heart out and shredded it into pieces while she watched. She was suspended in a time capsule, a state she remained in for the next two years. She buried herself in work to numb out the pain of her loss. 

Depression

Unfortunately, work did not help. Instead, she sank into depression and it took her ever faithful girlfriends to drag her to a psychiatrist for treatment. It was not easy but Tabby finally got better and started therapy, allowing herself to finally feel her loss and deal with it. She went through the whole spectrum of anger, pain and despair but eventually, she began to have hope. The little seed that started as a fierce will to move on blossomed into a full array of finding joy again. 

On her 39th birthday, she made a resolution that though death had robbed her of the father of her children, she could still fulfil their parenting dream! 

Even though it had been three years, their children were still safely tucked away at the fertility centre. It was with a lot of trepidation that she was considering walking through those doors alone to complete a process they started together, but she was determined. 

Her girlfriends raised their glasses to Tabby. They were in this together. Easter would be spent in communion with God but on Tuesday morning, all four women would walk through those doors together to make Tabby’s dream come true. It was finally their turn to give back. They all knew the odds against Tabby but they would not let any of that hold her back. 

Two failed implantations and a lot of tears in between, Tabby finally conceived. With bated breath, the girls counted the weeks faithfully until week 36 when Tabby was wheeled into surgery in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Despite the strict hospital policies barring them from coming into the maternity wards, they pleaded their case until they were allowed to see Tabby in turns, for a measly five minutes. It was tears of joy all around! 

This September, in their traditional fashion, the girls threw the most extravagant first birthday party for the twins! Tabby sat back soaking in love and contentment. Ivan’s son and daughter are now one, born more than four years after his death. They are the one priceless gift he bequeathed upon her in their brief life together, a piece of him she holds dear. She will be forever grateful!

Dr Bosire is an obstetrician/gynaecologist