“Tung rwath turo mana rwath owuon .” My dad kept dropping this Dholuo words of wisdom, about 10 years ago, when I was constructing my house in the countryside. At the time, owuon sources were stretched. I felt like I was all alone. I was struggling with the fundis and providers of various building items on my neck.
The saying means, “a bull is weighed down by its horns”. The word, “owuon” puts a special emphasis on the saying, as it means, alone. Solo. The deeper meaning of the saying is that nobody in the world will help a man to carry his source of pride. Because, to a bull, horns are a source of pride. Horns are what separate boys from men. Horns are what are used to fight for mating partners and, ultimately, aid in procreation.
At the time when my dad dropped this gem, I didn’t get it. I was all up in my feelings. My father was saying that, instead of looking at the resources I lacked and how folks were not coming through for me; I should have kept my eyes on the horns I was carrying, which other men with more resources and all the support could not even come close to. I should have kept my eyes on the doughnut, and not the hole.
In my community, a house is a source of pride. Grown men without houses are often ridiculed, and can be seen as a lost lot. If you have all the wealth in the world, but you do not have a roof in the countryside to lay your head – or where your body will lie overnight before burial – you can be a source of derision.
As men, we derive pride from different sources. Some of us derive pride from a job, or our kids, or a cause we are passionate about. These are – depending on how you look at it – the blessings or burdens that will weigh us down.
Two horns are nothing, compared to the weight and size of the bull that’s carrying them. But they can become a burden, if a man chooses to solely perceive them as so. With a change of perception, the horns can become a blessing, and turn a bull to be the pride of the herd.
There are things – read, horns - men are given at birth, which we can use to our advantage and allow them to help us grow through life. We did not choose them; they chose us. They are responsibilities that we are supposed to carry with utmost pride. They may look like oddities to others, but they are part of our DNA. We should protect them at all costs as there are folks who may hunt us and use our horns are trophies.
What’s instructive is, a bull never sees its horns; unless it sees its reflection in a body of water when it is quenching its thirst. This is to say that, as men, we may lose track of the pride we are carrying. Or, we may have got so used to our source of pride, till it takes occasional reminders for us to cherish what we are carrying.
Men, too, have insecurities. There are times we may become fixated with what other men have – from looks to luxuries – and think that we are children of a lesser god. When this happens, we should draw pride and a sense of purpose in that unique trait that we possess. That twisted horn. Or that short horn. It may not seem to be a big deal, but it is the edge that we were given to get out us ruts of insecurities.
