Do not fight the internet, instead, keep your child safe online

About three decades ago, the term ‘child safety’ had a totally different meaning than it does now. Then, parents didn’t have to worry about strangers halfway across the world posing a threat to their children’s well-being, for instance.

Their anxieties regarding their child’s safety perhaps had to do with the naughty child next door or the rowdy teen down the road who was  a bad influence to their ‘innocent’ child. A stern warning, often dished out with a sterner side eye, was enough to streamline children. But times have changed, thanks to the internet.

Today’s parents are caught up in uncharted waters of a dynamic virtual world that isn't shy to compete with them in raising children.

Initially, parents seemed to be winning this contest by regulating or prohibiting their children from surfing the internet, however, in 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic toppled over their efforts when world systems grind to a halt and thrust everyone online. E-learning, e-meeting, e-doctor’s appointments, e-church services, you name it. The internet made its case, it was here to stay.

As at January 2022, out of the 7.91 billion people on earth, 4.95billion use the internet, and 4.6 billion, about 58 percent, use social media. In simple terms, more than half of the world’s population is online.

In light of these statistics, the big question shifts from “should I allow my child to be on social media?” to “how do I ensure my child is safe online?”

Supervising children

This week, a parent and a guardian share their experience on supervising children with vibrant social media accounts and the challenges that come with being an online chaperone.

Mercy Mutwiri, mum to You-tuber Ryan Mutuma

When Mercy Mutwiri decided to create a YouTube channel for his son Ryan Mutuma in 2012, social media was not as big as it is today. Her decision was prompted by Ryan’s gift in reciting poems. At the time, Ryan was five years old.

“During an Easter service, Ryan went on stage and recited a beautiful poem. It happened that one of the congregants that day was an organiser of the Totally Sold Out concerts in Nairobi. After the service, he was invited to do an opening prayer for an upcoming concert. After a short while, Ryan was featured on NTV reciting poetry in the children’s show, G3. This made me realise that he had a gift, so I created a YouTube channel for him to share poetry with the world,” says Mercy.

Over the last eight years, Ryan’s channel has grown. It has helped him venture into acting, reciting at events and TV shows and appearing in commercials.

“After uploading the first video, the channel became a project to keep him writing poetry. Before the channel, his performances were random and he didn’t have a way to track his progress. He was also attracting opportunities offline, such as appearances in the Churchill Show and advert gigs. The channel serves as a great portfolio for those who wish to engage him. As long as the channel is up, his work will always be preserved for memories’ sake.”

Instagram account

Along the way, Mercy discovered Instagram would be a great tool to further showcase Ryan’s skills.

“If he does an advert and I upload it on his Instagram account, when he is auditioning for something, I can tell the casting director to check out what he has done.”

Despite the many wins so far, Mercy is cautious about the platforms she uses to showcase her son’s talent. For instance, when Tik Tok became a mainstream social media platform, there was a lot of pressure among children and teens to open an account.

Mercy decided to test the waters first and created her own account. She wanted to assess the kind of content Ryan would be consuming even as he posted his own content. From her observation, Mercy found the platform unfit and chose to stick to YouTube and Instagram. She urges parents to do a thorough study before choosing online platforms for their children. She notes that today’s children are very knowledgeable. They know the newest online sites in the market, they have ideas on how to generate content and growing audiences.

“It’s easy to get carried away by their ideas, but I have discovered that as parents, we must be proactive. Before allowing your child to join a platform, pitch a tent there first, scan the territory and ensure the space is child-friendly.”

Indeed, children are impressionable and the internet is crawling with influencers whose intentions may not always be right. Mercy urges parents not to give their children free rein online and guide them with the same vigilance they apply when it comes to monitoring offline activities such as where they hang out, which parties they attend and who they talk to.

“On creating and posting content, you must establish boundaries. Like ink on paper, the internet gives a chilling permanence to anything published online. You do not want to expose your child in a way that might harm them in the future. If they are generating content by themselves, you might want to take the lead and guide them.”

Online audiences

In Mercy’s experience, online audiences can exert a lot of pressure especially on young content creators. Followers will try to push your limits and compel you to conform. And while the idea of morality is relative, one must have limits.

“What do you want to achieve through your content?” poses Mercy, adding that content can sometimes backfire on both the child and the parent. For instance, trolls may post insulting comments leading to stress, self-esteem issues and on the extreme end, depression.

Mercy observes that children’s consumption of social media changes as they get older and it is therefore important for parents to pay attention to this shift.

“As children grow older, they become aware of the world around them. You will notice a rise in consumption of content put out by their favourite YouTubers or friends online. In terms of posting, pre-teen children will be content with taking part in Tik Tok challenges or posting basic photos. Teenagers, however, feel the need to share more, mostly videos and lots of different photos. If your child is talented, encourage them to stick to content that showcases their talent. If they just want to connect with friends and share their memories online, then discuss the importance of privacy and what it means to over-share.”

Mercy, like most parents, admits there is only so much one can do when it comes to keeping your child safe online.

Cyberbullies

“Cyberbullying for instance, is one of the biggest challenges I have had to deal with. It manifests in the form of negative comments and sometimes spills over to the private messages. Hard as it may seem, you must protect the child from this negativity. Blocking, deleting and reporting cyberbullies is a great place to start. Social media is never about amassing followers, rather, creating a healthy online community. Most importantly, pay attention to your child’s behaviour and don’t ignore any signs of fear, intimidation or sudden self-consciousness—red flags for cyberbullying.”

With her experience in nurturing her son’s talent, Mercy runs a mentorship programme called Team Nafasi. It equips gifted children with digital skills to help them showcase their talent on social media platforms.

Whilst social media has proven to be a double edged sword, Mercy notes the weight can be tipped in favour of its usefulness with a bit of online safety skills and a healthy sense of caution. Truth is, the internet has led to the discovery of many untapped talents among African children and we cannot afford to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Njambi Hinga, aunt to Filliper Wanjiru – content creator on Tik Tok and Instagram

When schools closed down in 2020, Njambi Hinga, a manager by profession, noticed her niece, Filliper Wanjiru was having a hard time finding things to do. The break was unprecedented, everyone was worried about the pandemic and everything seemed to be stuck in time.

“Filliper acts, so we had this idea to put her work online. We recorded short clips of her doing funny skits and posted them on Tik Tok, Instagram and Facebook. Tik Tok was an easy platform to use because it is naturally built to support video content.”

Under the watchful eye of Njambi, Filliper, who was nine years old at the time, made a handful of skits and began attracting a steady flow of followers. One day, they posted a video lip-syncing renown Kenyan comedian, Njugush. He reposted it and it went viral, making Filliper an internet sensation.

 Social media

“That was her seventh video on Tik Tok, but it became a game changer. Our fan base grew and more people began reaching out, wanting to work with her. Social media has been a worthy experience for her. There are so many opportunities that would probably never have seen the light of day if she didn’t have an online presence.”

Njambi explains that when children are exposed to other talented children online, it helps unlock their talents. With a growing fanbase, brands also approach her for collaborations and sometimes to just gift her. Being on social media also means getting noticed and receiving awards and recognitions, a major confidence booster for any child.

During the two years Filliper has been online, Njambi says she has learned to be confident, resilient and persistent in growing her talent. She is able to dream big and work toward achieving these dreams.

Managing her accounts has been a learning experience for Njambi. First, Njambi says, children are already curious and they will want to be online-whether to just view content or post. However, no child should be allowed to explore these platforms on their own, without a parent or a guardian managing their accounts due to several reasons.

First, some of the content published online by other users is not child friendly. Though some social media companies try to regulate users, often, quite a number get away with nudity, vulgar language or graphic content. There is also cyberbullying, which Njambi admits is one of the biggest challenges in managing a child’s account. You’d imagine everyone will be kind to children, but there is always one or two people who will make hateful comments.

Like Mercy, Njambi tries to shield her niece from negativity by cleaning up her comment and Direct Message (DM) sections before giving her a glimpse of what’s happening on her pages.

Njambi is also keen on ensuring her niece creates age-appropriate content, which is part of online safety. Controversy, whether by an adult or a child tends to attract negative engagement, while increasing a child’s vulnerability online.

Still on creating content, Njambi points out that it’s important to observe and establish when the child is going through burnout. Sometimes there is pressure to keep followers engaged, especially when they rise to stardom. However, a healthy balance between school, social life and online presence is required. Allow them to take a break if they seem disinterested or simply tired when creating content. In Njambi’s case, she is intentional about celebrating other successes in Filliper’s life, besides online milestones, such as when she passes her exam. This helps remind her that life outside social media is equally important. As a parent managing a child’s social media accounts, do not get carried away or overstep in an effort to steer them to success. A child is still a child, even when they have a million followers online.

Globally, children are identified as a vulnerable group by multiple humanitarian organisations. In a report published by UNICEF on online safety, it was noted that abusers who prey on children have an unimaginable access to them courtesy of the internet.

Children online are vulnerable to risks such as stalking, exposure to inappropriate images and grooming by sexual predators online. Still, the report notes, the internet exposes children to ideas, opportunities, and information beyond what their families or immediate communities can offer. Protecting children online narrows down to understanding these risks and shielding them from actual harm.

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