Family from hell: Here are signs to watch out

‘Family is everything,” that's what many people say. They swear by their family. They will die for their family. That is all well and good. While some families lavish each other with roses, there are folks whose biggest and most painful thorn in the flesh is kith and kin.

Et tu, Brute? These are words from the play Julius Caesar, by William Shakespeare. Caesar utters these words as he is being stabbed to death, having recognised his friend Brutus among the assassins. In Matthew 10:36, the Bible says, “a man’s enemies will be members of his household”.

Read: Did you marry an Abigail or a Jezebel?

Sometimes these enemies will pretend they are ride-or-die, but they are only biding their time. They may pounce on you and your goods and chattels when you are still alive. Or they may wait until you're dead to seize your wealth and render your children and wife destitute. Others will start their bloodletting orgy while you're on your deathbed. That's a show of hate. Which means family ain't always everything; love is and always will be.

Toxicity

If the members of your household are toxic, their unpleasant nature will prevent you from enjoying life and realising your full potential. If you’re in this unfortunate situation — smack in the middle of where you're supposed to be safe — you need to flee or else the insidious and pervasive toxicity will ‘eat’ you and your dreams and destiny. Toxicity is a foul effluence that flows from the pits of hell. And family and hell should never be in the same sentence, except when you’re exclaiming: “That's one hell of a family.” This just goes to show that family isn't always everything; but love is and will always be.

Spirit of Jezebel

If your kith and kin have the spirit of Jezebel, you are courting violent separations and incessant fights. Crosswalk.com defines this spirit as “someone who uses cunning, deception, and seduction to tear apart marriages, churches, and other entities. Unlike many evil spirits, the Jezebel spirit operates in a more subtle and sinister way”. I know. By that definition, you can already tell someone in your family who’s controlled by this spirit.

Read: When a man’s soul departs a relationship

Love — pure, unadulterated love — is the glue that joins families. But the spirit of Jezebel cunningly causes this glue to get unstuck.

Psychopath

If you have family members who are psychopaths, you're caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. Healthline defines a psychopath as someone with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Healthline describes signs of psychopathy as “inability to distinguish right and wrong, lack of empathy or remorse, behaviour that conflicts with social norms, violation and manipulating and/or hurting others, and disregard for safety and responsibility”. Long story short? Family ain't everything when you're dealing with psychopaths.

Narcissism

If any of your kith and kin has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), their behaviour will be like a noose around your neck.

As Larissa Biggers points out in Duke Health, “If your romantic partner, family member, or boss has NPD, they can make your life challenging. Because they put themselves first, you may feel belittled, and your mental health could suffer. Coping strategies include setting personal boundaries and gently walking away if they are breached. However, this is not always easy to do. Calling your partner a narcissist won't help either. Instead, you should focus on your well-being and decide what you are willing to tolerate.

A narcissist in the family will make your life unbearable. Which is the exact opposite of what a family should be. The family often drops the ball on matters concerning mental health. It's not accorded the seriousness it deserves until it's too late to turn back the hands of time. Which means that family can, knowingly or unknowingly, kick the stool from right under your feet.