I love reading your articles on relationships indeed; they are very inspiring and educational. I have a question. I am talking to a man who is 36 years old, and I am 46 years old. You could say we are dating. He is very okay with our age difference. He wants to settle down, and I do too. He is mature and very gentle, and we are getting along well thus far. What is your advice?
Being attracted to an older person as a future spouse is not unusual in relationships. However, such attraction must be backed by facts. Relating intelligently requires that we know why we are in the relationship. It requires us to do a cost-benefit analysis. Maybe, your desire to connect with a younger man could have something to do with how you were brought up or your exposure in life.
Every person has been given the power of choice. This choice should be made based on what kind of a life partner you desire. What are their qualities? After you make a choice, be ready to love the man without reservation.
The decision on whom to marry is dependent on what you will base your choices on. Take time to be sure of what you want. Who is it you want to grow old with? If you have no problem marrying a younger man, be sure their values are in line with yours and that you can tolerate their already set ways.
Do an honest evaluation by coming up with a list of what you feel will work well in the relationship. Your story is incomplete. So, it is hard to know why you fell for him. That leaves me wondering whether your decision was out of knowledge and true intelligence of what makes a relationship work or mere emotions.
What will work and what will not work for you at his age? Second, sitting with a close friend could also help you see gaps in your relationship that can later be identified and dealt with. However, this can only be possible depending on what the two of you want.
Right now, your actions and reactions could just be based on your feelings. Third, you need to be clear about why you think you need him and your needs even when you get to your seventies.
A joint commitment is important for any relationship. For example, when this man is 76, you will be 86. How does that sound? Remember that we can only sacrifice for what we truly value and are prepared to die for.
What would you say you are willing to die for? Today, your station is the culmination of a series of actions and inactions on your part. These steps cannot just disappear. Our life is a series of these steps and missed steps. It would help if you committed to specific goals, kept consistency to the values and ideals, and consolidated the good to propel you and the relationship forward.
A ten-year difference is not a big deal. Therefore, do not let the partner’s age intimidate you. Neither should you let others use his age to discourage you. Unresolved issues in others like age promote an environment of discomfort. If it badly rubs on one spouse, they will seek to control or manipulate their partner’s age for their agenda at the expense of the relationship.
Passion in any relationship must result from a consistent effort to re-align your dream with your convictions, beliefs, and actions. For many spouses, the vision for a great relationship dies because of tension such as, “I wish I married someone younger.”
Such inconsistency between what we think and believe can wreck a relationship. Generally, open discussion and dialogue on wealth, age, and specific behaviours removed any desire for intimidation and manipulation. Of course, marriages will face moments of uncertainty and occasional disagreements on the path of life together. But, when they do, such crisis moments require attention and action to avoid the pain that would follow. It is naive to think that marriage life will always be smooth without such pain or disappointment.
In conclusion, ensure you have a common agreement about what draws you together for this relationship to work. The bond that holds you together must be strong enough to withstand the rough waves coming ahead.
