I have a gifted child. This is a term used to refer to children who tend to believe they are adults, so they not only act maturely but also want to be treated like so.
Before I knew this, I would be frustrated time and again because I expect a six-year-old to behave like the child he is. Sometimes, I blamed myself thinking that since he grew up with daddy alone from a tender age, I may have handled him in ways that forced him to mature too early.
Whatever the case, we always find ourselves at loggerheads because of that clash in beliefs.
The first is the church. As a young boy, I learned the Bible and its beautiful stories from Sunday School. I looked forward to those mornings because I would be nourished spiritually then given Patco sweets to chew.
My boy is the complete opposite. All attempts to get him into Sunday School have failed even with the sweets and marshmallows on offer there. He prefers to sit quietly in the main service.
When I asked him why he does that, he answered that “Sunday School is for children and he is not one.”
The most recent incident was when schools reopened and I bought two packs of masks. One had the plain blue type that adults use, while the other had a smaller size for children. The small ones had beautiful red and blue drawings, which are his favourite colours, so I knew he would enjoy wearing them to school.
He gave them one look and grabbed the plain one. I inquired why he had not picked his size and he responded that the smaller ones “have this childish look he does not like.”
I was dumbfounded. Like, really? Isn’t he a child himself?
This happens even with building relationships. My son clicks with adults at the snap of a finger, but he struggles to bond with fellow children. I have tried to send him out to the playground so many times that I am almost giving up.
So, I let him go out when he feels like it, but most times he prefers indoors because “children are just too noisy they annoy me.”
You should see the look on his face when a baby cries or throws tantrums. He puts on this disgusted look then covers his face with his palms, like he can’t believe someone can do that. And he gets disturbed whenever I tell him that he, too, cried as a baby.
My research to understand his mannerisms that were unexpected of a child his age landed me on the term ‘gifted child.’
Child Psychologists argue that one way of dealing with such children is to understand that they genuinely feel like adults. They, therefore, fail to understand why the parent sees them otherwise.
The key to a successful relationship is treating them with respect, otherwise, both parent and child become frustrated.
Secondly, as much as their input may not necessarily affect your final decision for them, asking for their opinion goes a long way in quelling discontent. The child feels like his views were respected, even if you don’t go their way.
That is why you will go to extremes to pick the cutest toy at the shop, then it is never touched even for a single day. I learnt that the hard way when I bought him a bike early last year. It has sat in my store since, as new as it came from the supermarket.
It has to be noted that it is prudent to explain to them why you chose a different path from theirs. For instance: “You had wanted to wear the white shoes today, but the black ones will match your outfit better.” That makes the child accept and fully embrace the contrary decision.
Overall, it can be difficult to live with a child who is always questioning why the parent wants him or her to do things this way rather than the other.
Imposing without leaving an avenue for discussion may work now, but it is a recipe for lifelong rebellion which will come to roost when the child gets into the teenage years. Handle this with wisdom.
And now for the first time, I get to understand why I grew up as a rebel.
