Every visit to the shopping mall is a social boosting opportunity that Wilkister Owaka cherishes. If an item will make her the source of envy among her friends, she’d rather go into debt to acquire it than leave it.
In her circles, being able to buy top-of-the-line goods earns one respect. Well, that’s until next person buys an even more ludicrously priced or exclusive item. It’s a rat race that she cherishes.
“I buy to boost my status among my peers- I get to earn admiration when I have what they lack or can’t afford. In some cases, I may be sidelined by my peers just because I lack one or two of what they have, making me feel out of place,” says the self-confessed shopaholic.
Sometimes, she says, this lifestyle has pushed her into debt, but it is a small price to pay since once she buys something none of her friends can acquire, “I feel in place again among them.”
The end justifies the means, she says.
Nelson Saitu, a Nairobi-based counseling psychologist describes a shopaholic as someone who spends money in extremes. They are compulsive in their shopping.
“They can’t stop thinking about what they are going to buy. Their thoughts, speech and feelings are always about shopping. They are constantly looking things up, always window shopping, and always scrolling through online catalogues on their devices for items they most likely do not even need,” says Mr Saitu, terming it an addiction.
While well-adjusted people strictly shop to meet their basic needs and budget for what they want, shopaholics tend to look for instant gratification by spending money- whether they have it or not.
Mr Saitu says they buy things for comfort, escape from everyday realities, or control situations.
In Owaka’s case, she felt some control when she recently purchased a six-seater Malaysian imported dining table that cost Sh80,000.
The making of a shopaholic
“They usually are taught behaviours. For you to have those feelings, the behaviour must be taught. You might find someone that has underlying psychological factors that are from nurture, and so you find that they’ve been raised by people or grown up with people who are addicted to shopping,” he says.
“These people grow up in environments where people are just into shopping- they have big shopping cultures. Culture and environment can contribute to unhealthy shopping habits,” explains Mr Saitu.
For every 10 shopping trips she makes, Ms Owaka finds that during five visits, she makes up to three unplanned purchases because there are too many eye-catching options to ignore. The more attractive an item, the higher her likelihood of buying it.
Over time, she says, this has seen her lose the trust of her friends and family due to her poor spending and borrowing habits, and they find her excessive. Still, she sees no problem with her habit because she leads a satisfied lifestyle. Her only challenge, she says, is paying off debts associated with her habit.
Shopaholics are often hoarders, keeping things they do not immediately need but plan to use in the future when the need arises- no matter how unlikely.
According to Olive Achieno, a therapist attached to a renowned hospital in Kitengela, hoarders find it challenging to get help because they do not think what they are doing is wrong.
“People who come for help have come to the realisation that ‘this is not good for me’,” says Ms Achieno, noting that impactful change comes only when the drive is from within.
Psychologists help with the transition to minimalism by getting hoarders to catalogue the things they are hoarding; analyse why they are holding onto those things that continue to lose value if no sentiment is attached to them and then help them get rid of one thing at a time over a prescribed period until the clutter is gone.
“The best thing about this lifestyle [minimalism] is that it costs a lot less, and the anxiety that comes with not having money or spending much to sustain a lifestyle is gone. You have nothing to prove,” says Mr Saitu.
However, the biggest misconception about minimalism is that minimalists are misers, too frugal and hoarders of money in denying themselves luxuries of life.
“They don’t understand that a minimalist has just decided to face life according to needs and not wants, according to their financial situations. And so anyone who changes to this lifestyle that does not break their back to maintain a societal image is free because the financial situation in the world is getting really hard,” adds Mr Saitu.
“Just think about your finances and the freedom you will get. Consider the money you will save, especially now. Financial freedom means less stress and anxiety. I don’t know how else to stress this because it is good for your brain,” says Mr Saitu.
At the end of the day, though, how can shopaholics get help?
“Becoming a shopaholic is a result of addiction. What addiction is basically is immediate gratification for some underlying psychological disorder and mental health issues like depression and shopping helps one relax by raising their brain serotonin levels high to make themselves feel less depressed.
So, one of the best treatments is to teach people self-control, and the therapy here is to teach people how to experience delayed gratification instead of immediate gratification. So instead of you want, you get, you practice delayed gratification. And this can happen in daily life.
Do you want to eat fries because you are craving them? Don’t eat it today; take it after three days. The second therapy that works so well is desensitising someone. We use this with addiction. You’ve spent Sh50,000 on shopping this month, how about next month you spend only Sh45,000? The month after that, it was Sh40,000, followed by Sh35,000.
It’s systematically helping this person reduce their compulsion. Some people are lucky to do it in one go, but what works often is systematically assisting this person in working on their compulsion and self-control,” explained Mr Saitu.
