For religious parents, one of their most earnest wishes is that their children find meaning and purpose in the same faith they were raised in.
| ShutterstockDN2
Premium
Should faith matter when raising children?
Often, parents hope their children will adopt their values, possess their athletic ability, share their hobbies, or pursue a similar career path.
For religious parents, one of their most earnest wishes is that their children find meaning and purpose in the same faith they were raised in.
After all, it is widely believed that introducing children to religious values is necessary in providing them with a moral foundation as they grow up.
But research does not entirely support the view that religious belief is necessary for morality. Studies have shown that both religious and non-religious children can become moral adults. Further, religious belief is often tied to authoritarian parenting styles, which is why some agnostic parents are choosing to raise their children without religion.
In 2015, 16 per cent of the world’s population, which equates to 1.2 billion people, reported having no religious affiliation. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re all atheists; in fact, many of them may still have strong spiritual beliefs in gods, or some kind of spiritual force. They simply don’t associate with any particular organised religion.
Closer home, report released by the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics (KNBS) in 2020 showed that more than half a million Kenyans do not believe in God and a further 755,750 identify as atheists.
This brings us to this’s week’s focus question: Is religion really good for children? The answer depends on who you ask. Some parents believe it is important to have their children grounded in the family faith whereas for others, teaching children only one religion can be limiting. Then there is the agnostic who believe the child will chart their own path as they grow.
But what do the experts say?
According to Reverend Joel Njoroge from PCEA church in Nyeri, parents play a paramount role in the faith lives of their children, one that “trumps every other influence.”
Reverend Joel Njoroge.
He believes it is essential that parents lead by example, and have their children imitate their behaviour, especially when it comes to religious beliefs and practices. By being a positive role model, parents can help a child develop a strong faith.
Furthermore, Mr Njoroge points out that religious involvement can provide a supportive community for parents in their parenting journey.
“Your children will learn how to live a Christian life; you will be their first teachers in the faith,” he says.
“It's not enough to rely on chance information for our children when it comes to religious instruction. We must take responsibility for teaching them about our faith and doing so in an age-appropriate manner. Ephesians 6:4 says to “bring [your children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Mr Njoroge emphasises that, no matter their age, instruction must be provided.
Elizabeth Kabuthi, a child specialist at Moi Teaching and Referral Hospital, encourages parents to live out their faith as an example to their children.
She cites Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” as a reminder of the importance of parents being intentional in sharing their faith with their children.
Elizabeth Kabuthi, a child specialist.
Kabuthi explains that children often subconsciously adopt the faith of their parents and are greatly influenced by their example. “You cannot teach them right if your life is not a living example of what you are teaching them.”
When it comes to instilling religious beliefs in children, there is often a disagreement over who should take the lead. Some believe it’s the responsibility of the mother as she spends the most time with the children, while others feel the father should take the lead, as he is the head of the family.
Kabuthi argues that it should be a shared responsibility.
“It’s often the moms: the ones who do the cleaning and volunteer at school and know the ins and outs of their children’s lives. The father is supposed to share in the role because he essentially assumes the responsibilities of God within a family. However, many men rarely attend churches or find time to pray or read the Bible.”
Praveen Chauhan, an ardent practitioner of Hinduism, has some valuable advice to offer on how to pass on religious values to the younger generation while still showing tolerance and acceptance towards different outlooks.
“For us, in our religion, we feel it is essential to maintain our cultural heritage and ensure that our children carry it on,” he says.
Praveen Chauhan says it is important to pass down religious values to the next generation, and advocates for cultural and religious continuity.
Praveen and his wife also believe that their local temple plays a significant role in their “village” upbringing of their three children. For them, religion is not just a tradition to be passed down through generations but an integral part of their parenting responsibility.
They firmly believe that instilling good values, discipline, and a strong religious foundation will help their children grow up to be warm, affectionate individuals.
“I truly believe that the temple is there for us whenever we need emotional, spiritual, or even physical support. I see it as a way of life that I inherited from my parents and grandparents, so it's my duty to pass it on to my children,” says Praveen.
Moreover, he emphasises the responsibility he feels to teach his children to honour God. “In the process of raising children, faith becomes a significant factor. It’s not only about fulfilling your responsibility to pass on your faith in God but also helping them understand that God loves them, provides for them, and will always be there for them, even when I am not. You have to have faith in yourself and instil that faith in your children.”
Praveen acknowledges the importance of understanding his children's perspectives, beliefs, and challenges.
“Instead of simply dictating what they should and shouldn’t do, we strive to help them understand and reason. We stay constantly aware and close to them, making an effort to bridge the generational gap. Our aim is to ensure they don't think, 'My parents grew up in a different time, they don't understand.' We try to keep up with them because we believe that when you sincerely try to achieve something, divine help comes along. This doesn't mean that every child will turn out perfectly, but at least we've fulfilled our part.”
By combining their faith, understanding, and sincere efforts, Praveen and his wife are dedicated to raising their children with love, guidance, and a strong connection to their beliefs.
With regard to Hinduism, Praveen believes that the mother and father each bring their own unique perspective to the festivals and rituals, allowing for a more comprehensive understanding of the faith.
Additionally, Praveen believes that teaching children to be tolerant of different religions is essential, but it must be balanced with instilling a strong sense of their own beliefs and values.
Raising children with the teachings of the Prophet
Fatuma Ibrahim has been a devout Muslim since birth. She grew up in a loving family, who never forced her into the religion, but taught her the basics of the faith. She is determined to raise her children in the same way.
“I have already started teaching them the basics like wearing hijab, eating with the right hand, praying before meals and greeting people the prophet’s way.”
“I do pray with my daughter once in a while and she knows the times for prayer and I love it,” she says.
The one thing she is doing differently is guiding them rather than punishing them for making mistakes.
She believes that in leading by example and hopes her children will find happiness and contentment practising Islam, just as she has.
Religious-free upbringing
Susan Kwamboka advocates for a religious-free upbringing.
Susan Kwamboka, a self-proclaimed “nones” believes in giving her children the autonomy to choose their own spiritual paths, as opposed to forcing her faith on them.
“I think it’s good to expose children, sometimes, to the extremes and then let them see what that’s like, and then later in life they can choose what they want to do. But if they do not know what’s out there, it’s sometimes hard to know what their choices are.”
She acknowledges that everyone has their own personal beliefs, stating, “This is what I believe, but there are people who believe differently. What you believe is your own personal choice.”
In her approach to parenting, Kwamboka prefers not to introduce religion directly, but instead imparts important life lessons, which she says have proven to be fruitful.
She firmly believes that a foundation of faith should be instilled in children through gentle guidance and child-centred approaches.
“It is essential not to coerce people into accepting your beliefs. You should provide a strong foundation and be a good role model. It is very important. I strive to ensure my children appreciate and accept it with their hearts. Unfortunately, there have been cases where parents are too strict when it comes to teaching religion to their children. This kind of environment does not cater to the children's needs and I do not think this is the right way of doing it. No one can force their children to follow a religion,” she says.
While some may argue that religion brings happiness to children, Kwamboka disagrees and contends that children should be allowed to explore different religious paths to discover their own beliefs.
She believes that children who are heavily involved in religion often stray from it as they grow up because they were coerced into it.
Recognising the differing viewpoints of devoted parents, she advocates for raising children with an open mind and exposing them to the realities of the world, including its more challenging aspects.
“Children should be allowed to explore the world as it is without being deprived of any knowledge. Parents should actually start to be honest with their children about the world. Let the children understand that we have people who are involved in prostitution and others who take drugs. Show the children what is really out there.”
When asked about the impact of a secular upbringing on children, Kwamboka contends that it is the best way to raise children. She advises parents to “tell them everything as it is” and not sugar-coat anything. By doing so, children can make informed decisions about their faith and beliefs.
