Mr Survivor: A week in the life of my busy Queen bee

Queen is a typical modern day countryside woman. Her diary is packed 24/7.This busy schedule is, however, not filled with her core duties and responsibilities as my one and only first lady or the mother of our  children. It is filled with away-from-home engagements. Sometimes, these engagements will reduce her relationship with the Palace to only the essential contact or no contact at all. God forbid.

To accommodate her Modus operandi and take good care of our three boys, we are forced to engage the services of a governess, our long serving Makena. This has complicated matters for me when it matters most since my Palace is only suitable for two adults at a time, but that is a story for another day. Suffice it to say, however, two grown up women to one man under the same roof in a house similar in size to mine is not my idea of romance.

Monday is pastor’s day for Queen. This is the pastor’s resting day after a busy week of pastoral commitments. The women of the church meet in the pastor’s compound to assist the man of God with domestic chores. They are divided into three distinct classes: field, compound and kitchen. It does not require rocket science to know how and why the three classes are in place yet “all of us are equal in the eyes of the Lord.”

Tuesday is chama’s day. This is the second most important day in Queen’s diary after the pastor’s day. Due to her renowned entrepreneurial skills as the CEO Slopes Supermarket, she is the chairlady of her chama.

Wednesday is women caucus day. The caucus is involved in housekeeping .This means taking stock of the various ways in which men have continued to oppress women in general, and their wives in particular. The sessions involve the process of sharing experiences, encouragements, meditations, prayers and resolutions. In these meetings, various shades and colours of elected, nominated, appointed and self-appointed women leaders pay homage to the caucus.

Thursday is fellowship day. As with other Kenyans, the countryside woman is notoriously religious. Members of a church meet in one home for prayers and thanksgiving. Although it is a day meant for all members of the church, it has largely been treated and observed as a woman’s affair. Once again, Queen is an elder in her church and does not miss the mid-week fellowship.

Friday is shopping and salon day. This day was well chosen to coincide with the market day in Happy Valley. The salon element in the day reminds one that the countryside woman has come from far. Long gone are the days when women would ‘burn’ their hair with hot-red charcoal put in a metallic tin. This is the day that she does the shopping for stocking her kiosk. For that reason, no one in his right frame of mind would question her mission, leave alone denying her the outing.

Saturday is outing day. It has taken over the ‘Sunday best’ craze of the olden days. Saturday is now the best-dress-day for the woman in the countryside. ‘Saturday best’ is in vogue. The variety ofoutings include ceremonies such as pre-weddings, weddings, dowry payments and visiting parents, the last of which has caused an uproar among the men. While the first three are well entrenched in the countryside, visiting parents is a recent feature in the vocabulary of ceremonies. Two factors make it highly suspicious. One, it is purely a woman’s affair, and two, the term parents only apply to the woman’s parents. Such a gender selective application of laws can only be ridden with sinister motives. It creates echoes from the past of a heroine in my community who ruled and reigned on the comfort of men’s back.

Rumour has it that some very ungodly things happen during such trips but I cannot authenticate that, partly because I am not foolhardy enough to invite the wrath of the women, in general, and that of my Queen.

Sunday is the Sabbath. Nothing out of the ordinary happens on this day apart from the hunger the boys and I go through. This is because after the church service, Queen will leisurely walk from one corner of Happy Valley to the other on one mission or other. It happens to be the only day left in the week for visiting friends.  As such, the boys and I have to rely on Makena’s goodwill.

Now, being the husband of such a busy wife, my frequent stopovers at Mrembo’s are unavoidably justifiable. The stopovers are necessary for sanity’s sake.

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