Mr Survivor: How Makena blackmailed us into giving her a hefty pay rise

When my Queen accepted to attend last Sunday’s family outing, I had expected to have peace at the Palace. And as I told you, Queen immediately reinstated me to marital nirvana. But I had forgotten the presence of Makena, the comptroller of palace affairs.

You see, making peace with Queen meant killing any hope she had of stealing me from Queen. And due to her central position in the affairs of the Palace, as the comptroller of palace affairs (CPA), she usually calls attention by sabotaging programmes. Having lost a chance to steal me, she decided to blackmail us into increasing her salary.

Of course, she was counting on me to support her, having saved me from starvation in the last one month. As the right thinking and fair man that I am, and taking into cognizance that Queen’s mood is highly erratic and I could very soon find myself back in Siberia, I could not let her down.

That evening during supper, Makena decided to spoil the appetite. “Mum, the cost of living has gone up so highly. My parents are dying of hunger and I have to feed them,” she said.

“That is true but hunger has no boundaries. No one has been spared from the same,” said Queen.

“I need a salary increment so that my parents do not die of hunger,” Makena said. She was crying and the boys dramatically joined her in the crying.

“Baba, our Sunday school teacher told us that those who wish to go to heaven have to give food and water to those who are hungry,” said the last born.

“Yes, we read that God will say, ‘I came to you when I was hungry but you did not give me anything to eat. Go outside, I do not know you’,” said the second born.

“The fifth commandment says that we should honour our fathers and mothers; auntie’s parents have no food,” said the first born.

It was obvious that Makena had rehearsed properly with the boys. And seeing that it was only that day that I had not received a message from her, I could not afford not to sympathise with her even when I could see that we were being played.

Queen looked at me in a manner likely to suggest that I was part of the plan to increase Makena’s salary. She was waiting to see on whose side I was between CPA and her. I realised that if I did not clean my name, she could very easily suspend me from marital nirvana and consequently send me back to exile.

On one hand, for the sake of the future leaders’ safety, I could not ignore the CPA. On the other hand, in the interest of peace and harmony at the palace, I could not abandon my Queen at her hour of need. Queen had earlier the same day warned me against being close to Makena. I could not risk banishment during this cold weather. I was in a very delicate situation that required kingly, nay, Solomonic wisdom.

“You have heard with your own ears what has been said,” Queen told me.

“Yes, we are going to discuss it later,” I said.

When we retired to the bedroom, we talked at great lengths and I managed to convince Queen to agree to raise Makena’s salary instead of looking for another house help who would not be friendly to our children.

“That is too much for me alone. You will now need to contribute half of her salary. After all, she spends a lot of time taking care of your hens and dogs when the boys are at school,” Queen said.

And that is how the palace drama queen managed to sell fear to us and consequently earn a hefty pay rise. I will now be forced to contribute an extra few thousands for Makena's salary, from the end of this month.

If this is a sign of things to come, then soon Makena will be blackmailing me to fund her leaves, which she spends with Omosh. I need to think hard and come up with the best way to stop her. She needs to accept to stay in her lane and accept that whatever harassment I receive from Queen, she remains my wife. Giving me food in secret does not earn her any place in my heart.

For now, Makena is the highest paid house manager in Happy Valley countryside. Makena, enjoy the fruits of your drama when sun shines.

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