Treasure them now

By Karimi Gatimi

 “You know that saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder? It is true in every sense,” says Bernard, who lost his wife two years ago in a tragic acccident. Secretly, once a spouse departs for a work trip or vacation, the remaining partner usually feels happy to get a breather, a bed all to ourselves and finally, play radio on throughout the night. The travelling spouse too can barely hide their excitement at the chance of being away from the normal routine. The real sadness at their departure usually comes after the sixth day, by which time they have already come back. 

“We take our spouses for granted – a lot,” says Bernard, who hasn’t talked, shared, laughed, loved or fought with his spouse for the last two years. 

“I watch couples and sometimes I am tempted to walk up to a man and tell him to really treasure his wife. Men take for granted the big and little things that their wives do.” 

Being a widower has taught Bernard a lot about love. “I took so much for granted. I wish I had been more loving, I wish I had told my wife, more often, how much she meant to me and to our children,”

Bernard struggles to maintain order in his life and that of his children.

“Either someone’s vests long outgrew them and I notice just before we depart for a function, or the salt ran out and I only noticed that as I was making dinner.” 
His late wife used to buy clothes for every member of the family, but now, he realises that his children require new underwear only when they mention it. 

“I didn’t know that for kid’s clothing items, you have to check the ages written on the collar tags.” He once picked underwear that was three sizes too big for his older son and three sizes too small for the younger one. “I returned the underwear to the store, hoping for an exchange, but I was sent back with it,” he says.  
Who doesn’t know that underwear once sold cannot be returned? He wondered how his wife knew all these things. She managed their home effortlessly while also running a thriving business.

Bernard was raised in a typical traditional homestead where the men never visited the kitchen. They simply found hot sumptuous meals ready for eating. He thought Githeri was a simple meal to make, but he has long learned that some beans are more delicious and cause less stomach discomfort than others, and he always confuses the two types. 

His children eat to survive but they are not shy to mention how much they miss their mom’s cooking, something they bring up almost every time they take a bite of their dad’s meal offering.  Decisions such as meal portions might seem easy enough, but one time, Bernard decided to make chips for his boys and ended up filling all the plates with a mishmash that none of them could eat. 

“I thought my job was to provide but my wife did everything, really. She ran our home and also helped with finances. I wish I was more involved at the home front.”

Bernard says that managing a home is a tiring affair. With children in the picture, one cannot decide to forego a meal, or wear dirty clothes. Bernard regrets every instance when he raised his voice at his wife.

 “Losing a wife completely disorients you. If your wife is still with you, please love her. She is a gift.”