For a majority of Kenyans in their 40s, 50s or 60s, sending money back home is almost a non-negotiable duty. Once they start earning, they take over the financial burden of paying their parents’ bills, be it hospital, food, or buying a new mobile phone.
However, a new generation is emerging that has no qualms about cutting financial ties with their parents. Some Gen Zs are questioning this obligation and even open talks with their parents over why they ought to give them money. And if they give, it is a loan that ought to be refunded.
In many ways, these Gen Zers are better off than their parents were 30 years ago, but fewer are supporting their parents financially.
Maria Chege, a UX designer, is among those who have cut financial ties with her family. She says it is something she had to do, although it has strained relations with her relatives.
“I started making money young, and they expected me to provide for the whole family. It is like my parents sat back and left me to pay for all the bills once I started working. I have eight siblings and I am the eldest. I reached a point where I drew the line and stopped providing when I realised that they were taking advantage of me,” the 27-year-old says.
They then pulled the ‘you’ll be cursed’ card. “My mom said I had to send money to my father to avoid a curse. But when I started having salary delays, I noticed they did not care about me and nobody checked up on me. This is what annoyed me.”
Maria feels that parents should take responsibility for raising their own children. “I crave a relationship with my family, but not at the expense of my mental health,” she says. She vows not to burden her future children with the exact expectations.
Macrine Awuor, a 23-year-old, admits that the financial reliance, often referred to as paying 'black tax’, can be mentally draining. “Most of our parents don’t understand that we don’t have to give them money. It should come from the heart. If a child wants to give, they will. The idea that it’s a must doesn’t sit well.”
However, she has not managed to do away with the financial obligation.
She says even for some Gen Zs, it is not as easy to break free from the black tax obligation, especially when parents argue, “they made sacrifices for us to have better lives.”
“Maybe with our children, we can say that they won’t have to take care of us. However, many of us Gen Zs still have to provide for our parents. You can’t live a good life in the city while your parents languish in poverty in the village,” she says.
For Macrine, though, she discussed the amount to send back home.
“When we had the conversation, dad told me that I don’t have to send money. He said I should help myself first before helping them,” she says, adding, “At first, I thought I’d never send money, but after he said that, I realised I should. He may have said though, but I wondered if he felt differently. The idea of people depending on me made me want to not send money home.”
“I’ve come to realise sending money back home is both a burden and an obligation for me. It’s a burden because when I don’t send them the money, it will become an issue. At the same time, I feel it’s my obligation because they took care of me, and I never lacked for anything growing up,” she adds.
Sabina Otieno, a 24-year-old, already drained by the financial demands of her family, says for some Gen Zers, the ultimate dilemma is determining reality versus a desire to quit supporting. Is there really a choice?
Sabina was raised in two homes. “I grew up in an orphanage because my mom couldn’t take care of all her six children. I was sent to the orphanage from the age of eight till adulthood, but I kept ties with my mom and siblings. The thing with society is that it expects us to take care of our families, even when we can’t take care of ourselves. I remember that when at the university, I would strain, saving the little pocket money that I had to ensure that at the end of the month, I could get some money to send to my mother,” the media scientist graduate says.
When she got her first job, it did not matter that she was not earning enough; the orphanage and her mother came calling.
“My first job was as an intern at a call centre with low pay. Even then, my mom would call me for help, counting tens of expenses at home. I love her, and I understand the situation, but I was being paid only Sh15,000 at the time. After deducting transport and lunch, I had barely anything left. On top of this, the orphanage expected me to pay a ‘tithe’. At the orphanage, there is a policy that once you start making money, you are supposed to give back 10 percent of your salary. I remember when I started at the call centre, I got a message reminding me about the policy. I understood my obligation, but I wasn’t in a position to do it. I tried to explain this to them, but I was still told I had to make a sacrifice.”
Sabina left the call centre and took up an unpaid internship. Even then, she is still expected to provide for her mom.
“My mom calls me for money, and though I am surviving on savings and small tokens, I still need to send her something. I can’t remember the last time I ate lunch at work because I have to get by with the little I have. It doesn’t sit well with me that I must sacrifice this much, but I feel it’s my responsibility.”
When asked if she could continue providing once she has a stable income, Sabina says, “I find myself in a dilemma. On one hand, I can’t just sit and watch my mother suffer. On the other hand, I have an orphanage that sacrificed a lot for me. But I also know that I need to build a life for myself. I do not know what to do.”
If it were the olden days, Sabina says, she would not have even questioned herself. She would have just kept providing for her family, even if it caused a strain on her life. But now she can have these questions. Maria can choose not to send money home and not fear the repercussions, but for Sabina, it is the still, small voice that speaks to her when she is about to do something wrong that makes her keep giving. She has not managed to silence her conscience.
Sociologists argue there are reasons why Gen Zs find it easy to cut the black tax chain. Some of their parents are still financially capable of surviving in retirement because they are more educated than the older Baby Boomers, who have little to no source of livelihood and have to fully rely on their children. This makes it difficult for the children to understand when to actually help because wealthy parents never really teach their children, beginning at a young age, the importance of community involvement, compassion, and empathy.
Dr Kenneth Ombongi, a senior lecturer at the Department of History and Archaeology at the University of Nairobi, points out the generational culture shift. This, he says, has played a big role in GenZ easily seemingly becoming tone-deaf to financially supporting parents.
“For millennials, once you finished school and started earning, sending money home wasn’t debatable. Children were seen as economic and social assets. But Gen Zs are now having conversations and questioning that obligation. They don’t believe their parents are entitled to their money just because they raised them,” he says,
He believes the disconnect stems from the different socio-economic environments each generation grew up in. “I still take care of my mother without being asked, but my children don’t share that perspective. Globalisation and digitalism have weakened traditional values, leading to this shift.”
He blames neoliberalism for encouraging individualism. “At a time when social media platforms have made the world into one small community, the neoliberal content Gen Zs consume, especially from the Global North, doesn’t appreciate African customs. Globalisation has eroded traditional norms, leading to this change in how children view supporting their parents.
In my culture, I grew up knowing I had to take care of my parents or I’d suffer a curse. But my children don’t fear that because they don’t value parental blessings like we did. They don’t see the connection between my death and taking care of my parents. They are not bothered by parental blessings. Because all the world has told them is that they only need to get a good education, get a good job, or start your business, and there lie your blessings,” Dr Ombongi says.
