Help! I’m worried that my husband doesn’t like my squirting

Jacinta and John, the JJ couple as they referred to themselves, were six months into marriage. They were, however, not doing so well. An embarrassing situation had led them to avoid intimacy: Jacinta ejaculated during sex, leaving the bed wet.

"I can't exactly tell what happened," she explained remorsefully. "I was out of touch with my body, I was overstimulated, and when I came back to my senses, the bed was wet."

The experience made Jacinta avoid sex. When she had to do it, she couldn't loosen up for fear of bed-wetting happening again. In subsequent sexual encounters, Jacinta took serious precautions to maintain control. She avoided getting aroused, just in case she wet the bed again. As a result, she didn't reach orgasm.

Two months later, Jacinta had wet the bed three more times. Any time she let go and had an orgasm, she left the bed drenched.

"I just don't know how it happens, doctor," she explained. "When I'm fully aroused and orgasm, the river flows and I have no control. I'm so embarrassed. When I air the bedding in the morning, the neighbors give me funny looks. My husband is patient, but I know this won't last long. I'm not happy at all."

Jacinta's story reminded me of something I observed in a hotel in Western Uganda. The hotel bed had a mackintosh, spare bed sheets in the room, and a notice pinned on the wall that read: 'For your comfort, please change the bed sheets after you wet them.'

At first, I couldn't figure out what this was about and thought they might have guests who wet the bed while asleep. I later learned that communities from that part of the world commonly experience copious secretions during climax. It was an accepted occurrence since it was the norm.

Jacinta, however, would hear nothing of this.

"I'm abnormal, doctor. Let's not sugarcoat this. I need medicine to stop this – you just have to help me," she said, her eyes welling up.

The starting point in understanding Jacinta's predicament is that what she was releasing wasn't urine. Like the communities in Western Uganda, she was emitting copious secretions at the height of sexual excitement. This is called female ejaculation, or squirting. It's quite normal. Although it can happen in isolation, it commonly occurs concurrently with orgasm.

Understanding the response of female sex organs to sexual excitement is important in understanding female ejaculation. Besides the clitoris, which is the most sensitive organ in a woman, there's the G-spot, which is also quite sensitive. The G-spot is a small, spongy organ located on the front wall of the vagina. Like the clitoris, it swells with blood and other fluids when a woman is stimulated. At the peak of excitement, it triggers orgasm.

The difference between the G-spot and the clitoris is that the G-spot has a gland that accumulates fluid. This fluid passes into the urethra when excitement reaches its peak. The urethra is the same channel through which urine flows, hence the confusion between squirting and urinating. Tests comparing urine with the fluid released during squirting show that the two are different. Just like in males, women cannot stop ejaculation once it begins.

"So will I always wet the bed during sex?" Jacinta asked. "Maybe I should just avoid sex altogether."

Incidentally, women who ejaculate during sex are admired by others and should consider themselves privileged. They should be aware that many women endure dry sex, unable to get adequate lubrication for smooth intercourse, let alone ejaculating. Of course, some men feel uncomfortable with too much secretion, but most are happy with it. Women who experience extra ejaculation should therefore accept and enjoy their special status.

Every beautiful rose comes with thorns. The gift of squirting has its challenges. The bedroom of a woman who ejaculates must be different. It's advisable to use a mackintosh on the bed and to change bed sheets every time they get wet.

"But what about John?" Jacinta asked. "He may never understand why he has to go through all this."

This concern prompted a series of counseling meetings with John. Indeed, he wasn't comfortable with Jacinta's ejaculation. After several counseling sessions, he understood the whole concept of the G-spot and female ejaculation.

The couple lived happily thereafter.