Cabbage and learning the art of gifting

No one is more acutely aware than I am that we’re in January, the longest month of the year, which means that I should be writing about a vegetable called cabbage, the one that you all ignore and badmouth as you feast in December but sheepishly go looking for after the festivities are over and your account is left bare after paying school fees.

Forgive me, therefore, for writing about gifts and gifting, when I know very well that the only money you have left is for buying cabbage until this dry month mercifully comes to an end.

Hang in there, we’re in this boat together...

That said, is there a gift that you were given years ago yet have never utilised? You opened the package, and after seeing what was inside, you returned it and stored it in a corner that is never disturbed. It could be a dress, a pair of shoes, a handbag, shirt, tie or jewellry. Or a set of water glasses, perhaps cups.

When you were presented with the gift, you feigned excitement and gratitude, and even hugged the person that gave it to you, yet you knew that you would never wear or use it.

Last year, just before Christmas, one of my readers, Michael Nginye, shared with me an interesting story, after which he asked me to consider writing about such situations one of these days. Well, Michael, this is ‘one of these days’.

Gifts that I thoroughly disliked

Here’s part of what he wrote:

“Please consider doing an article on unappreciated gifts and how this affects the one offering the gift. You see, I once bought a rather expensive handbag for my wife. When I delivered it, she was impressed. However, I noticed that she never left the house with the said handbag. As we know, women are choosy and will never be caught anywhere near an item of clothing, for example, that they don't like. Men are not any better, and I will not try to tell you that I have fancied all the gifts I have received from Mama and others. Now, this can be pretty painful to the giver…”

I decided to write about this because I resonate with his experience. In the past, I have given gifts to loved ones that were never worn or made use of, and I was offended and wounded, especially since I had spent a significant amount of money on the gift.

Such incidences have made me wiser, and made me an expert of sorts when it comes to the gifting department.

Through experience, including the experience of being presented with gifts that I thoroughly disliked on sight, most people gift others what they themselves like and would buy themselves, rather than what the person they are gifting would like. That, or they get someone whatever they can afford at that moment, it doesn't matter whether it is hideous or they know it will not be appreciated.

This explains those heavy, unsightly set of glasses people tend to gift newlyweds as a token. You know them, those unbreakable ones that used to be found in long ago bars.

Find out what the person likes

If you want your gift to be appreciated, be intentional when you go looking for one. Michael, I don’t know a woman who wouldn’t appreciate a handbag, I mean, our handbags carry our lives, so we value them.

The question is, did you buy your wife one that she would buy for herself? It is easy to tell, just take a look at her other handbags and get her something similar, not something that you like.

In a nutshell, make an effort to find out what the person likes. And it's not rocket science, just observe what that person buys for themselves and get them something similar. 

Talk of valuable advice, and I did not even send you an invoice. I have a feeling this will be a good year.

Meanwhile, I’m off to buy some cabbage…

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