Have you seen the social media trend called ‘dating up?’
It’s all about women who will only date men much wealthier than they are. There was a time we all thought talking about wanting a lot of money was a bit gross, but these days dating up is a hot topic, with a bunch of women happily posting that that’s all they’re interested in.
It’s all part of the way social media influencers present a glossy version of what relationships should look like. Even shows like Love Island put about the idea that a perfect relationship should be rewarded with wealth and status. And many female dating sites promote the idea of searching for ‘aspirational relationships,’ meaning that their clients should be putting themselves first, moving up, and expecting the high life.
But is it really a good idea to centre your dating around wealth? Because it hugely reduces the number of possible dates out there, and closes off perfectly pleasant young guys with plenty of potential for the future. To say nothing of removing all the excitement and romance from the whole dating experience.
Focusing purely on a date’s finances can also blind you to how well their personality fits with yours. Because financial success doesn’t automatically make someone a great partner. A guy who looks good on a balance sheet, with a high-flying career, nice home and so on might also have a lot of downsides.
Dating up also leaves you open to a power imbalance as his financial clout leads him to be controlling in other aspects of your relationship.
But in fact , dating up is just a more extreme version of something that’s as old as time. Because women have always looked for a good provider. The best hunters and warriors in ancient societies were always sought after, and still are in modern hunter gatherer communities.
Even today all women prefer men who’re hard working, industrious, and who have good financial prospects. And the things that go with it: being ambitious, tough, well educated, and a high-status profession.
In fact, women are far more willing to engage in relationships with unattractive high status men than they are with good looking men from lower status professions. They also often end relationships with men who become unemployed or whose career motivation fades.
They also prefer men who have the respect of their male peers. And because older men are significantly more likely to have achieved sound finances, greater social dominance and higher social status, statistics across many cultures show that women consistently tend to marry men who are older than themselves. They also prefer taller men, because his height predicts a man’s success, salary and status!
Which means that on average men who are married tend to be taller than those who’re still single. And the men who marry in any given year tend to be earning significantly more than those of the same age who don’t.
