They helped you once when you were in dire need but have never allowed you to forget it. Not only that, they have made it their life’s mission to ensure that others know about it too
Why is it that some people think it is okay to announce the generosity they extend others? Whether the help was sought or not?
And I am not referring to the corporate social responsibility activities that organisations pay millions to publicise, after all, businesses have a brand to build, and being seen to uplift the lives of the less fortunate or the community around them is good for the brand.
I am talking about those people who helped you once when you were in dire need but have never allowed you to forget it. Not only that, they have made it their life’s mission to ensure that others know about it too. For instance, your name will come up as this person and a group of relatives or mutual friends are seated somewhere socialising, only for this person to declare, “Mind you, if it were not for me, his son would not have completed secondary school…”
Perhaps this person is a well-to-do relative who educated your child to some point, or was gracious enough to pay a term’s school fees for your child, or lent you part of the money you needed to clear your child’s school fees balance, and you even repaid the loan. So far so good, no man is an island, the only problem is that this person constantly reminds you, (and others) about their ‘kind’ gesture, and as a result, you continually feel indebted to this person.
Others will make derisive statements such as, “He thinks so highly of himself yet there was a time he could not even afford food for his family, and had I not lent him money, that day his family would have slept hungry…”
Or it could be less significant gestures such as someone giving you or your children hand-me-downs, for instance a pair of school shoes that outgrew their child but is still in good condition, or a coat that the owner got ‘bored’ with or bought but never wore, and so decided to give it out. The individuals are either relatives or friends, of course.
One day you will make a mistake of turning up for a social gathering wearing a pair of heels a cousin or friend gave you, (mind you, you didn’t ask to be given) only for the giver to exclaim immediately you walk in, “By the way I used to loooove those shoes, aki I miss wearing them…”
“Why did you wear those shoes with a long dress? I used to wear them with a miniskirt – your legs would look so much better that way…”
Even worse, “You mean those school shoes I gave you two months ago still fit your son?!”
The person will ensure that they make such statements when everyone is within earshot. Being human beings with egos, it is only natural to get embarrassed when it is implied that we are charity cases, even when this is the case. Correct me if I am wrong, but very few people believe in that phrase, ‘tenda wema nenda zako’.
The writer is editor, Society & Magazines, Daily Nation. Email: cnjunge@ ke.nationmedia.com
