Some dating relationships aren’t what they seem. You’re sure you’re in it for keeps, but somehow, nothing’s going the way you planned. You’ve been together for a few months, have a toothbrush at his place, text each other every day. But whenever you ask about where the relationship’s going…
…he reacts with ‘I’m not ready for a relationship right now.’
That’s code for ‘This relationship isn’t what I really want, but I’d like to go on having sex with you until I meet the one who’s really right for me.’ You’re a placeholder in other words. He’s looking for something else in a woman and stringing you along until he finds her. Or maybe he doesn’t want any sort of committed relationship, with you or anyone else.
Or he wants the fun parts of a relationship without any of the responsibilities. Perhaps he’s still recovering from a breakup. Or entirely focused on his work, family or hobbies. Or maybe he’s just not that into you.
Perhaps you hear ‘You’re wife material’ without any kind of commitment. Or ‘I love you’ from someone who ghosted you and has suddenly reappeared. Or ‘I miss you’ from the guy who messages you all the time, but never makes any attempt to meet up.
You’re being manipulated. By guys pretending to want closeness and intimacy, but not actually offering you a future together. If you hear phrases like these, start asking questions.
Like: ‘If you miss me so much, why don’t you fix to meet?’ ‘If you think I’d be such a great wife, why aren’t I your real girlfriend?’ ‘If you love me so much, why do you keep disappearing?’ ‘Why do you want sex but not a relationship?’
Forthright questions that tell him that what he’s saying and what he’s doing don’t match. Don’t expect his answers to make much sense. He might look a little uncomfortable. Or even seem amused. Or become angry. But the bottom line is this: if he’s only interested in sex, or is hopeless at keeping in touch, you’re being manipulated. You should let him go.
Women also manipulate men too, of course. Like those infuriating girls who tell you that they just want to be friends. Or who say they really want you in their lives, but only call you when they need something. Or who say that they’re scared to date, still recovering from a previous relationship, or are uncertain or confused.
You’re also being used. They don’t want to date, but like having you around for when they’re bored and have nothing better to do. Or for the things you can do for them. Or they like ‘borrowing’ money from you, and only spend time with you when you’re paying. And say they’re not ready when you suggest greater commitment.
So both men and women manipulate their dates. But while men usually manipulate for sex, women usually manipulate for free stuff. Either way it’s bad news.
