It’s easy to imagine that your family circumstances, education, and so on, determine your success in life. But we all know people who had a terrible start, and yet went on to have highly successful careers.
They persist at everything they do. They’ve learned that they’ll eventually get there as long as they never stop. So they just keep going and complete the next task. Whether that’s sweeping the floor, applying for a job, or being kind to a stranger. Because even the longest journey is just a series of tiny steps.
And that’s not only true about doing well in the world of work. It’s also true for choosing a spouse, because far too many people date like this. You start out with someone, all goes well for a while, and then you begin to squabble. So you decide that they’re not for you and you should break up.
Soon you’re dating someone new. But then you decide they’re not smart enough for you. Or good-looking enough. Or rich enough. And things end again. And so you really struggle to find someone. You’ve taken the advice to ‘never settle’ too literally, yet the truth is that we all settle, one way or another. It’s better to find someone to work with, accept them the way they are, and build a relationship together.
Be clear about your goal. You’re looking for someone you find attractive, who also finds you attractive, and who has no big red flags. Once you’ve found someone like that, you can build a life together. One step at a time.
Start off by talking to a lot of strangers. Just five minutes chatting with every potential date you meet. Two or three times a week, with people you meet through work, through friends, family and shared interests.
Have no expectations, enjoy the conversation, find out a bit about them, and watch out for any red flags. Most of these conversations will go no further. Maybe they’re not really available, or boring, rude to the watchman or waiter, whatever. But persist. Keep talking to strangers.
Go on coffee dates with any who have potential. Most of them will drop out too, and the sooner the better. But one day things will go so well your coffee goes cold.
And your focus should change. Towards building the relationship, one step at a time. And the key to that is honesty. Help your date to be honest with you by listening and trying to understand, rather than judging them or getting angry. And be as honest with them in return. And if neither of you can do that? Quickly let them go.
Just remember that perfection does not exist. Everything other than honesty is negotiable. So loosen up a bit. And persist. You’ll be surprised at how well everything goes.
