Some relationships do last forever, but most of us experience a few breakups in our lives. Sometimes you both know it’s over, but more often one of you thinks everything is fine, while the other is planning to leave.
Avoid being dumped unexpectedly by noticing that your partner is becoming less affectionate, more critical, more defensive, and talks about ‘me’ instead of ‘we’. Has started ignoring intimate remarks and won’t make plans. They’re probably also secretly removing their stuff from your house!
Once a breakup becomes inevitable, don’t beg or plead. Keep your dignity and just let them go. They may keep calling you, saying they still care, but that’s not really about their feelings for you. They just don’t want to be seen as the bad guy.
Losing a relationship can be unbelievably hard. Mostly it starts with not really believing the relationship is over. Waiting for the phone to ring. Then the blame and ‘what ifs’ begin. If only I would have been nicer! Or we hadn’t fought so much! You’d be surprised how many sane and rational people think about suicide. If that’s you, contact a professional. Definitely not your ex.
You feel lonely, can’t concentrate, can’t eat, and can’t sleep. You find yourself weeping, feeling sad, worthless and foolish. You’re sure you’ll never find love again.
You obsess endlessly about your ex, and want to text or call. You might even find yourself parking outside their work or by their house at night, sending gifts, or ‘dropping in’ on their best friend just in case.
Bluntly, this is stalking, even though the idea that if you try hard enough you’ll get back together is the theme of endless novels, songs and films. Stalkers often think what they’re doing is an expression of their love. But their ex feels harassed and threatened.
Resist the urge to do anything remotely like that. It never works. Online stalking is just as bad. The longer you keep following your ex’s social media, the longer you’ll take to get over the breakup.
Thinking you can be friends is another big mistake. And definitely no sex, no matter how tempting! Thoughts of getting even may go through your head. Keying their car or posting unflattering photos. Don’t go there.
It can take a long time to get your life back, but socialising with your friends and meeting new people will speed things up. Avoid places where you’re likely to run into your ex, but if you do, just smile and nod.
Keep yourself busy. Lots of exercise. Do all the things you set aside during the relationship, like wearing the clothes your ex didn’t like. Don’t leave stuff from the relationship lying around. Act happy and smile even if you’re not. And slowly you’ll realise that each day is getting a little easier.
Learn from what happened. And go get out there! It’s tough, and you’ll probably get rejected again sometime. But sooner or later you’ll meet the one who will last for ever…
