When husband and wife belong to different denominations
Alice Wangui Mugo goes to Compassion Community Chapel Waithaka while her husband Martin Mugo goes to St John Riruta Catholic.
When Wangui and Martin Mugo first fell in love, religion was never a topic of conversation. However, as their relationship deepened and they started talking about marriage, Martin revealed that he was Catholic. He had hoped that Wangui was Catholic too, but when she gave a different answer, he remained positive.
“I told him that I was not going to change my denomination before marriage or even after, and he respected my decision out of love,” Wangui recalls.
Wangui met Martin while still in college, though their meetings were infrequent since Martin was already working. Weekends after church became their time together, and soon conversations about whether they might one day worship in the same church began to surface. “Friends still tell me that a woman should join her husband’s church, under the narrative that when a family prays together, they live together, but I am not bowing to such pressure. We are celebrating 18 years of marriage, living together while going to different churches,” she says.
Fortunately, Wangui explains, the pressure does not come from her husband’s family; rather, from fellow worshippers at his church.
“My mother-in-law is protestant like me, and my husband defends me when we are around his church friends. He always tells them he cannot force me to go to his church because everyone has the freedom to worship where they want,” she says.
Martin, born and raised Catholic, admits he initially thought his wife would convert. “I continue to pray for her to join the Catholic Church because it has been challenging for me as the man of the house,” he says.
Although Catholicism is not foreign to Wangui—she was baptised as an infant—she never pursued catechism. “If I decide to join the Catholic Church today, I would have to go through catechism, but I have never made that decision,” she explains. Her parents converted to the Independent Church when she was young, and later in high school she joined Deliverance Church with her sister. Today, Wangui worships at Compassion Community Chapel Waithaka, while Martin attends St. John Riruta Catholic. Their children experience both denominations.
“Our children have been baptised in the Catholic Church. Since we don’t decide where our children should belong, they are dedicated at my church and baptised at my husband’s. In my church we don’t baptise children, only dedicate them,” Wangui notes.
She admits conversion has become impossible despite attempts. “I tried going to Catholic Church when we got married, but I had to sit close to my husband to ask what to do—even when to give my offering. I didn’t understand a thing. It was too late for me to start learning the Catholic way,” she says.
Studied catechism
Martin, who studied catechism for two years in secondary school, believes his wife could still do it if she built interest. Their firstborn son has already completed catechism, with both parents supporting him.
The couple acknowledges that worshipping separately sometimes complicates family gatherings. “Sometimes we miss Sunday family events because our churches have different schedules. Occasionally, we agree to attend the same church with our children so we can go to gatherings together afterwards,” Wangui says.
Despite the differences, both churches recognise them as a couple. “Church leaders where my husband worships recognise me as Martin’s wife, and he is recognised as mine in my church. That recognition feels good, but I have never been persuaded to convert,” Wangui says, laughing as she cuddles her youngest son.
Her children’s baptisms are significant. “Two were baptised during Christmas, while the third was baptised this April during Lent. My husband believed it was fitting to baptise him then, since baptism means dying and resurrecting with Christ,” she says with a smile.
For Wangui and Martin, the issue of worship remains a recurring thought. “It is very hard to balance faith when my wife goes to one church with our children while I go to another, but we decided we would not force religion on anyone. I gave her the freedom to worship where she feels comfortable. For now, we are okay,” Martin says.
Though they had a cultural marriage, Wangui dreams of a church wedding. “There have been ups and downs, but we have remained strong.
Our friendship keeps growing. Nothing has changed in our love over the past 18 years, except that parenthood now divides our attention—which we consider a blessing,” she reflects.
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