I have been dating this wonderful man for a while now. He is goal oriented and ambitious. He treats me well, is respectful, caring, spoils me with gifts and takes me out. However, giving me money is where he draws the line. I think he is stingy and I am afraid if we get married, he won't be helping me out financially. I am 26 with a steady job. Should I be worried about this man?
You're about to lose a good man because you lack understanding. What does the good book say about a lack of knowledge? It makes people perish.
This man is doing the right things and observing the right boundaries to show you how responsible he is while also preserving the relationship.
If he starts giving you money right now as you expect, that relationship will change direction for the worse.
A gentleman only needs to be generous with gifts, paying for the meals you share at restaurants, and so forth. He must not start paying your bills like the salon and rent, or giving you money for upkeep.
Why? Because doing so would shift the energy and make him either a parent figure or a husband figure already. He would cease to be a suitor.
We usually express it in this way: if a man pays for a woman's house, he has rented both the house and the tenant. In other words, when he pays for a house, he now has the freedom to come to that house at any time and sleep there. He can also expect to be treated like the head of that house because he has assumed that role.
A man's money is his tool of power, his sphere of influence. Where his money goes, there his dominance is.
In this regard, when you date correctly with the right sexual boundaries, you will also want to maintain clear financial limits.
When you receive a man's money, you're under obligation to reciprocate in some way. There cannot be money without any strings attached.
If you're dating correctly, therefore, you won't give up your freedom like that.
The secret to dating right is keeping your options open. Your goal is to analyse this person from every angle to know what you're getting yourself into.
You're also checking him against the checklist you privately developed as a reference for your ideal husband.
You approach dating as an interview rather than an investment or indulgence. You do not foreclose on your options too soon.
You start by standing on your own feet financially and emotionally. You learn to live within your means and to control your mood.
You develop your marketable skills and get yourself licensed for a career. You start your job from the bottom, and you adjust your lifestyle to your income.
You work on your emotions and heal from your past wounds so that you're happy and at peace within yourself.
In short, you lay hold of your money and your moods. With your bank balance and your mental balance in place, now you're set up for dating correctly. Dating for love rather than for rescue.
You mentioned that you have your own money, and that's the right place to start. Now, use that money to shield yourself from manipulation and love scams.
People who can't love you will usually splash money to confuse you. That's why you cover yourself with your own money so that you can resist their bait.
With your living expenses met by yourself and your happiness coming from within, you can now look for true love. You can form bonds based on true chemistry rather than situational entanglements and money-catalysed bonds.
The problem with expecting money from a man is that some people will give you a little before asking for much. They soften you with small amounts before creating a situation in which they need a much higher amount, and since they'll have created some level of trust, you'll be inclined to give in. That's how you get scammed.
There's also the problem of breaking up when you've eaten a man's money. If you don't happen to like his overall character despite his financial gifts to you, how will you just walk away without appearing like you just wanted to use him?
Also, money is psychologically charged. It interferes with your judgment. That's why politicians will sway voters with money even when their record is bad.
You're likely to overrate someone who splashes money and expensive gifts over the one who presents with solid character.
A man's cash will distract you from his character. You will easily fall for his hand rather than his heart.
