Heads up: Why ‘man up’ isn’t the answer

In June this year, a high-ranking National Intelligence Service officer, Tom Adala, allegedly shot himself dead in Nairobi, leaving behind a note detailing his personal struggles. That same month in Nyamira, a secondary school teacher took his life after losing Sh50,000 in a bet, leaving behind a grieving family.

Furthermore, in Siaya, a man committed suicide by drowning himself in River Yala, a clear indication of the pervasive despair afflicting men across the country. Data contained in a 2022 report by Kenya National Bureau of Statistics indicates that 56.9 per cent of men compared to 43.1 per cent of women have mental disorders. 

The age groups with the highest number of cases of mental disorders are 15-19 years (12.9 per cent), 20-24 years (9.7 per cent), 25-29 years (9.5 per cent) and 30-34 years (8.6 per cent).

Carson Anekeya, 20
Student at Zetech University
For the longest time I have felt stigmatised due to the toxic masculinity that has pervaded our society. I’ve been referred to as a ‘simp’ many times because of the topics I address on my Twitter page. I focus on mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

The cultural expectation that a man should be strong makes men bottle their emotions and attempt to handle their problems on their own, and this often triggers underlying mental health issues.

I coped by just being real. I understood that breaking this stigma starts with me being positive about all aspects of life. It all starts at an individual level.

I always remind myself that good mental health is about challenging these outdated norms, even when it feels uncomfortable. I leaned on my friends and family for support and continued to express myself genuinely, knowing that such conversations are essential for change.

My journey of mental health advocacy began in 2022 when I realised how critical mental well-being is, especially in our fast-paced, emotionally demanding world.

Over time, I’ve taken courses and engaged in extensive research on mental health to equip myself with the knowledge and tools needed to advocate effectively. I’ve been actively involved in the advocacy field since September 2022, during my first year. I have contributed through writing, in-person engagements and community workshops here in school.

I have worked with non-governmental organisations that focus on mental health such as Nuzihi and Stand Out for Mental Health, and conducted mental health sessions in high schools and universities. 

Stigma surrounding mental health has indeed affected some of my relationships. I have faced criticism from those who believe that what I’m doing isn’t acceptable because I am a man. People see my openness about mental health as a weakness, which has made me lose some friends.

However, I’ve learned to avoid negativity or biased criticism. Instead, I focus on the positive impact my content has on others.

I have witnessed many of my friends being stigmatised by their peers due to their mental health struggles. They are often labeled ‘attention seekers’ and perceived as ‘weak’ whenever they express their vulnerabilities. This mindset fails to acknowledge that our levels of coping are different.

That kind of discrimination only discourages those who need support from seeking it. They lose trust in everyone and see their peers as threats, which affects their healing process.

I can never let stigma affect my self-esteem or self-worth. I’ve devoted myself to this cause, not just for my sake but also to help those who are vulnerable. My commitment to this work keeps my confidence high, and I don’t allow anyone’s negativity to bring me down. I know who I am and what I stand for, and that gives me strength.

Lizbeth Nyawira, 22 
Intern at Mwea Serenity Counseling and Treatment Centre
My passion for helping people navigate life challenges inspired me to study counseling psychology. I discovered this passion in primary school where I was the head girl and often helped fellow students navigate challenges such as bullying. This experience made me realise how much I enjoy listening to and assisting others.

In 2020 I experienced a mental breakdown due to stress resulting from being raised by an alcoholic and violent father, but I coped by going for talk therapy sessions. I continue with these sessions to prevent mental illness. I also have a close friend who struggled with anxiety and depression, and who experienced moments of extreme sadness. I was able to help them.

For my clients, I aim to create a safe environment. I listen to them and offer empathy without judgment. I always allow men to express their emotions, even by crying. After that, I use psychological tools and conduct a mental status examination. If the issue requires a psychiatric review, I refer the client to a psychiatrist for medication.

I have learned that mental health affects men differently, which is why more men end up committing suicide compared to women. Society pressures men to hide their emotions, and studies show that men are less likely to seek treatment for depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses.

This combination of untreated mental health conditions, societal pressures, and limited social support puts men at a higher risk of suicide.

We can address society’s flawed perception of men’s mental health through public awareness campaigns. We should discuss men’s mental health in workplaces, schools, and communities, as raising awareness is crucial. By holding open conversations, we can help reduce the stigma.

Society should stop stigmatising men and discouraging them from opening up about their challenges. We need to understand that mental illness can affect anyone.

Kinya Nina Gitonga, 23
Psychologist and founder of Sound Mental Health
Sound Mental Health is an organisation that creates awareness on mental health issues and our goal is to minimise stigma associated with mental health. We host mental health-themed events, offer counseling sessions, and publish magazines every year.

I am passionate about minimising the stigma surrounding mental health, especially among men. Statistics show that 75 per cent of individuals who experience mental illness do not get help simply because of the many misconceptions, myths and the stigma associated with mental illness.

Toxic masculinity tells men that they should shoulder their burdens alone, so they shy from seeking help even if they are in psychological turmoil.

Mental health advocacy has evolved greatly. Ten years ago you could be dismissed from work for simply displaying signs of mental illness. Some companies still avoid hiring people with conditions like bipolar disorder. Mental health wasn’t recognised as important, and there was a shortage of mental health professionals.

This hasn’t changed much, as there are still only a few mental health professionals. We need to change this.

One misconception we often hear is that mental health isn’t treatable. Many believe that those with mental health challenges cannot be productive, which is very wrong. Mental health illnesses are manageable and many of them can be treated.

One of the interventions we can adopt is advocacy, to create awareness so that people can understand what mental health is and how it can be managed. Another thing is being aware, at a personal level, of what contribution you can make in combating stigma.

Surprisingly, many men are not aware that there are specific mental health services tailor made for them. Research shows that 80 per cent of men who contemplate suicide actually attempt it, compared to women who might contemplate but not attempt. This highlights the need for more awareness about men’s mental health.

Masculinity is deeply rooted in our culture, so it’s important to teach others how to support men, even if they say they’re fine.

Kevin Maina, 25
Mental health content creator, actor and journalist
My experience with a mental breakdown happened when I transitioned from high school to university. It was mainly triggered by an identity crisis and family issues that caused a lot of chaos in my mind. I also hadn’t managed to get any of the university courses I chose, so I ended up rerouting to journalism.

I felt lost and didn’t know which direction to take. I was in a very depressive state. I had extreme suicidal thoughts. Through this pain, I started writing poetry and playing music, which helped me to gradually get out of that dark place. This was in 2021. I also ventured into comedy, and that played a huge role in lifting my emotions.

In the society, two things happen. On one hand, we are told that men can and should open up, but on the other hand, society doesn’t know how to handle men who do so. Social media says it’s okay for men to cry and be vulnerable, but in reality, people don’t know how to deal with emotional men.

Things are changing now because we are more open, but we still need to educate society on how to support men and create safe spaces for men to express themselves, as they can’t just open up without support.

More women seek therapy services than men. It’s not that men don’t want to open up, but it’s hard for them to do so. For instance, as a man, showing vulnerability at home can be challenging because you don’t want to lose your children’s or wife’s respect. Statistics show that times are changing, but we need more context. If a man is having a mental health crisis, how can he seek help safely? It’s not enough to just say men can cry, we need to show them how to do it in a way that protects their dignity.

Nation Media Group has an event called The Man Cave where men come together to talk about marital troubles. I attended one session, and it was amazing to see men opening up. In mixed groups, men often don’t engage, but when it’s just men, they talk freely about their wives and marriage problems. This makes it easier for everyone to open up.

We need to create more spaces like this and tell men it’s okay to talk to each other. When men are in distress, they often watch football and drink alcohol. We need to let them know that it’s okay to meet up and talk about their problems before watching football.

When I started creating content on mental health, 80 per cent of my audience was women. But in my recent shows, many men attended and even brought their friends. I often get feedback like, “you have saved my relationship,” “You have saved me.” Seeing me open up has changed many men’s perspectives.

Initially, men found my content cringe-worthy, but now they see it as positive. They comment with statements like, “If I could express myself like you, I would be so far.” This shows that attitudes are changing, which is a good thing.

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