How much should a campus dude spend on a girl?

By Duke Nyankabaria

Sh167,000. That is how much my friend Jay spent on his girlfriend during Easter weekend. Sh167,000. Jay is one of the shyest and quietest dude in my circle. He is a Chelsea fanatic and always wears the most expensive casual outfits. Also, he is quite brief, as in short in stature. But he is quick and witty and intelligent. He is particularly adept at current affairs.

I like him because he always agrees with my controversial viewpoints, and is a huge fan of my blog. Jay’s girlfriend, Patrona, lives next door. She may not possess he best facial features, but Patrona is seductive in every way. She has an attractively slim body, and is very classy. She likes fondant cake, and prawn burgers, and things like those. She seems like she would make a very obedient and faithful mistress, as long as the money keeps coming. Needless to say, Patrona likes sparkling things. Like money. And expensive jewellery. She looks like the kind that would walk out on you without a second glance if your pockets ran dry.

Jay, on the other hand, is the wealthiest student in my class. Thanks to a family business and his entrepreneurial spirit, Jay has a lot of money in the bank. Millions, if I’m not wrong. Although he can be romantic, he sometimes makes decisions that are financially ruinous and bound to cause heartbreak. It has been four days since Jay and Patrona got back from holidaying in Malindi, but they have already broken up. 

In fact, Patrona has moved on already. It was Jay who called me today to lament that he had been used and discarded by a damsel, again! It made me reflect on something. How much money should college boys spend on their campus girls? I, for instance, have made more financial mistakes than I can count, but I am really keen on the answer. I mean, two semesters ago I spent my entire Helb money on a girl. We drank many expensive coffees and dinners all over Eldoret. That is not all.

A year ago, Osano and I spent our hard-earned Sh43,000 rent money on two women in Mwingi, where we had gone to attend a funeral service for one of our comrades. See, my parents had sent me money to cover six months' worth of rent and my upkeep. At the funeral, three babes appeared and sat next to us, and we quickly planned an after party. After the funeral, we went to a three-star hotel in Machakos, and ordered fine whiskey. I was worried about how much we were spending, first on accommodation at the expensive hotel, and then at the kind of drinks we were consuming, but I dared not talk. How could I, when we were in the midst of pretty girls? 

As the night progressed, we realised that we were competing with more moneyed, Toyota-driving chaps for the girls. I don’t need to tell you how the story ended. Osano and I bought the food and drinks, and the yuppies took the girls home. We spent our hard earned money on the girls, and the pain that followed was immeasurable. It was the very last time I ever bought anything for any girl. So, again I ask, how much is enough?

Duke is a third year student at Moi University, Eldoret