JUST BRENDA: I want a partner but I am shy

Dear Brenda,

I am looking for a partner. I have had a few crushes, but I have never really made it known that I like them. I am generally shy and reserved. I don’t hang out much and I also lack confidence in my looks and my work. How do I gain confidence to approach people?

Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love,

The answer to all your questions is in your questions themselves. If you’ve been doing something for so long and it isn’t working (and you know it isn’t, as your letter shows), then you need to do the exact opposite of what hasn’t been working. Unless you’re planning to date the people you already know and see every day, you simply have to broaden your circle. Will you meet a partner sitting at home (maybe, if you date the delivery man, there’s something to explore)? Probably not.

Are you really looking for a partner, or do you expect a partner to miraculously find you? Looking is an active term, my dear. You’ve had a few crushes and never made it known? Next time, do the opposite. Make it known. You are generally shy and reserved? The good news is, there are many others like you also scared to make a move, who will open up if you do. The thing that scares us in our deep inner selves is usually the most common thing that scares us all. You don’t hang out much? Start hanging out more. You lack confidence? You won’t gain it if you don’t practice it. The short answer is, you must allow your want of something greater than what you have to overcome the fear it takes to get it. If a partner is what you want, you must go out and find one.

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