Single in Nairobi: Why I have joined the slow movement in dating

Online dating lost its spark for me right from the start. After a series of misadventures on Tinder, I quickly bid farewell to the app. But before you pass judgment on my impatience (guilty as charged), let me explain. I made the decision to delete Tinder and make space for a new app that would enable me and my potential match to become pen pals first, giving us the chance to truly connect before diving into the realm of chemistry.

To be clear, the bits about meeting a potential match and diving into the realm of chemistry are my edits – that’s not what the App is meant for. Slowly, the App I was introduced to by my best friend Sue, is “created for those who yearn for meaningful conversations with people in the era of instant messaging. We hope to connect people around the world at a slower but better pace – one letter at a time”.

“Your personality can shine there, given that all you need is an avatar and a nickname,” said Sue, appealing to my love for great conversations as the key to knowing what’s in someone’s heart.

Now, that held a stronger appeal than Tinder, which is “the world's most popular dating app, making it the place to meet new people”.

In a world where relationships are microwaved, where the line between a genuine connection and a one-night stand blurs, I was determined to go against the grain. I was determined to sign up for something that defied the norm, where selling my personality mattered more than anything else. Sue didn't quite see eye-to-eye with me on this, but my determination remained unwavering.

I craved a slow-cooked relationship, and while Slowly was not built for dating, I was determined to have my way with it. After all, aren’t the best relationships founded on great friendships? I named my avatar “Open”, after an Andrew Agassi book that I was reading and, in my profile, I emphasised my love for long walks, great conversations and romantic movies.

I initiated a first conversation with a man from Japan, whose name I will keep hidden, and was gutted when he rejected my letter. Yes, the App gives you the choice to reject letters. I recovered quickly from my rejection and continued my hot pursuit of a genuine connection.

My next attempts at speaking to a man from the UK, Canada and Korea bore fruit, and we have been happily exchanging letters, slowly getting to know each other day by day. Two of them were already taken and were even grandfathers, but I was unable to terminate the relationship because dating was not on the menu. And then I met Nate, a man with whom I exchanged long letters and got to know at an intimate avatar-to-avatar level.

In my last letter to him, I asked him if he wanted to have my phone number. Did he want to know me beyond my avatar? Was he interested in meeting off the platform? I am waiting for his response. It is, after all, about moving slowly.

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