I met Jackie in the Sexology Clinic in January last year. She had just missed her periods. She had done a pregnancy test at home which turned out positive. She did not come to the clinic to start antenatal care but rather to consult on who among her three sex partners could have made her pregnant. She had sex with three different people in December on different dates.
"Do not judge me," she said, "I am not a bad person and have never had this kind of a mess in my life; I am just a victim of December manenos. "
Jackie was 26 years old. She was single. Having completed her degree in Civil Engineering a year earlier, she got a job in a construction company and moved out of her parents' house. It was the first Christmas she was having as a salaried person.
"So make me understand," I posed, "what do you mean by December manenos ?"
"It's a party after party month!" she shared, her face brightening up, "We had fun, drunk, danced, ate, and had sex!"
Jackie was quite liberal on matters of sexuality. She believed that sex does not have to lead to marriage. She said that there are two schools of thought around sex: old and new thinking.
"To me, sex is to be enjoyed and does not necessarily lead to marriage, that is the value my generation puts on sex," she explained.
Back to the reason for Jackie's consultation: I assessed her monthly cycle and the different times in the cycle she had sex with different people. We settled on the one who could have been responsible for the pregnancy. Jackie needed to engage the man and discuss what to do now that she was pregnant.
"I will most likely carry this pregnancy, it is time to have a baby," she said, "but I cannot rule out the possibility of abortion," she told me.
"I need to have girl talk with a few of my friends, I need to understand their experiences, some have children, some have had an abortion," she said.
I was keen not to be judgmental but also noted how sexual and family values vary across the ages. Having settled on the possible man responsible for the pregnancy, Jackie thanked me and left the consultation room, promising to get back to me if she needed further help.
I remembered Jackie because December is here again with all the festivities, Covid notwithstanding. There will for sure be parties and celebrations, food, dance, and sex. People will have sex with new partners. Some who have been in long-distance relationships will reunite.
Sex values are as many as the people who occupy the earth. Just make sure that your values match your actions. People develop guilt, stress, and depression when their sexual actions are at variance with their values and faith. Be sure not to disturb that equilibrium and you will remain happy.
It is also important to plan your pregnancies. It is totally fine if your values allow for single parenthood but quite stressful if you find yourself there by mistake. Further, you may want to think about the person who carries or fathers your child. For some people, this is a big deal.
I can bet someone will get pregnant this December. The question is whether that pregnancy will be within the values you hold dear.
If pregnancy is not on your radar, for now, you may be better off with a contraceptive. In this era and age births do not need to be accidents. There are short and long-term contraceptives you can use.
Also, be careful not to fall victim to sexually transmitted diseases including HIV infection. The good old condom is still important for this. Many people use male condoms but the female condom is also available and the woman can take lead in buying and ensuring its proper insertion and use.
Finally, do not forget that the coronavirus is still here with us and that sexual relationships are one way of acquiring and spreading the disease. There is simply no way of stopping the Covid-19 infection during sex if your partner is infected.
