Help! My desire for same sex intimacy is killing my marriage

It is good you are saying you believe she's your soul mate because she isn't. How on earth could you betray your soulmate? You shouldn't have betrayed her especially if she believes you're her soulmate too. Your encounter with a queer is just a fantasy. Be honest. Share with your partner and be ready for the consequences including losing her because it's immensely hurting to be betrayed by someone you adore. Love is easily lost through infidelity, but often it fades away quietly through a host of small everyday mistakes that chip in a relationship. You made one big mistake.
D Mutunga

Your situation reflects a profound tension between love, commitment, and self-discovery. I will advise on a path rooted in honesty, self-awareness, and ethical communication to preserve both your integrity and your relationship. Risking vulnerability by sharing your truth is ethically and emotionally preferable to secrecy, which almost guarantees long-term harm. While honesty may destabilise the relationship temporarily, it preserves respect and agency for both parties. Prioritise therapy to process your desires, communicate with compassion, and remember that self-discovery and love can coexist, but only through integrity and courage.

Nyakenyanya Japhet, 
Police psychologist

It is unfortunate that you opened the door for the monster that may consume your future. I don't advocate for premarital sex since you said this is your partner and it is when you are planning to stay together. Since you already did it,we can not reverse. I don't know why you decided to cheat on your partner. May God help you to come out of this self imprisonment. Queer women can go to an extent of doing crazy things to achieve what they want and that is why you find many people leaving their wives to go and have intimacy with prostitutes. They can do things that even can demean their dignity and which you can not do to your wife. If you love your future and want to maintain your dignity, shun anything queer. It is against the norm.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Senior Pastor in Mitume PAG Church, Kitale

You should not tell her. Instead, lavish her with love and appreciation. Promise yourself to never ever be unfaithful again and put it behind you. You will cause a lot more heartache to her than the burden you are carrying. Forgive yourself. Work at building an incredible loving relationship with the original and only love of your life. You should not tell her, because you may lose her and break her heart. Focus on the future.
 Fred Lastborn Jausenge, UAE

FROM THE EXPERT
It is pretty clear that you are struggling with the ideology of monogamy. You broke your monogamy practice by indulging with the queer woman. Feeling guilty after the fact is not productive. You may love your partner, but that did not stop you from exploring. The fact is, humans will always have or discover new desires that sway them off the acceptable behaviour. The unfortunate truth is that most people live by what others want and not by their own wants, needs or desires. We live in a world where being unhappy and denying yourself thrills is a bad thing as opposed to settling, which is acceptable despite the fact that you are not happy. Telling your partner is actually being honest, however, it comes with its own risks. Only you can decide. My experienced advice is that you be honest with yourself. What do you really want is the question you should ask yourself. Maintaining the status quo for the sake of harmony will be short-lived. Make choices that favour you and not society.
Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I am a teacher aged 33 working at a big school. I got interested in a female colleague who was a newcomer (she stayed for about one month). When I approached her, she told me she isn't interested in a romantic relationship and that she is in another relationship, and that she doesn't want to waste my time. The funny thing I realised was that whenever I called her, it was like she had blocked me. When I asked her about it, she told me that her phone doesn't allow new numbers and she hadn't saved my contact. I made the decision not to contact her and never to give her attention, because she sounded rude. I overheard some colleagues say that she isn't interested in low-paid contractual staff (she earns more than I do). The dilemma is that the school headteacher is also interested in her, although he is married, while I am single. Should I talk to her again or just continue moving on and ignore her confusing attention? I don’t want her to gossip about me to colleagues.

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