Would you accept to be left home and alone for months on end because your spouse got a job in a far-off land? That is the question that crossed my mind as I learnt about Jane's case.
Jane had walked into her gynecologist clinic her husband on tow, as she writhed in pain. According to her husband Mark, Jane was having food poisoning, but her doctor knew that Jane's pregnancy was full term and therefore was in labour.
"The last time my husband was here is seven months ago," she explained, "just tell him the labour is premature."
She stared into the air, shook her head, and frowned. The unease was obvious and the discussion was getting difficult.
"It is not my mistake, I am human and I have feelings, I leave the decision to you to either save my marriage or let it go to the dogs!" she blurted out.
The bone of contention was that what her husband believed to be the age of pregnancy was different from the truth; she was nine months pregnant but the man believed the conception had happened only seven months earlier.
"That day I just knew we had made a baby," her husband said when he was called into the consultation room, "I should say it is exactly seven months and two days today."
A mother of two and now in labour to deliver her third born, Jane lived in Kenya while her husband worked in a foreign country, visiting only twice a year and each time staying for two weeks. The family coped well on other fronts with Jane taking care of their two children while Mark, her husband, was away.
"I must say I sometimes get tempted, I am young and have feelings and as much as I love him, sometimes I have had to find a way of meeting my bodily needs," she confessed, "and this time around, things worked against me and I conceived. If Mark gets to know the truth our marriage will be a gone story," she told me when I asked what had happened.
So here we were, in the middle of a crisis that could make or break a family. Medically it was impossible to postpone the labour. I wondered if Mark himself stayed faithful while away. Because men don't show any immediate sign when they cheat like pregnancy they get away with it. Some infect their wives with diseases in the process.
However, not every man or woman in a long-distance relationship ends up being unfaithful; in fact, extramarital affairs do not just happen because of long-distance relationships, sometimes there are compounding factors in the relationship. The fact though is that married people do have sexual feelings and when the spouse is away for too long, temptations can happen. It requires real strength to fight those feelings and remain faithful. Men and women in long-distance relationships should therefore congratulate each other if they manage to remain faithful.
The ideal situation is to ensure that you do not subject your spouse to temptations that they cannot overcome. If you are the tempted partner, be frank and let your spouse know that you cannot bear it anymore. He or she has to come home or you have to join them wherever they are.
Take it this way, if you get emotionally and sexually involved with another person you risk losing your marriage. You have to decide whether this is what you want and make a choice.
For Jane, we were staring at a crisis. Her husband peeped at the door asking if we were done with the examination, he was getting impatient. I requested five more minutes.
"So then here is the deal," I explained in a hurry, "I am not going to lie, I will not talk to your husband on your behalf, I will leave it to you to explain it the way you want and I will not talk so that I do not contradict you."
The following day I met Mark on the corridor of the ward. I shuddered, fearing what he would tell me.
"Thanks for all the help, it is a bouncing baby boy, 3.5 kilos, the weight would have gone to four if Jane had not gone into premature labour!" Mark said excitedly.
As I waved Mark goodbye, I wondered who was to blame in the turn of the events.
