I married the wrong person. We were dating but I had not known her well since we were living a distance from each other. She fell out with her sister and she opted to move to my house. I accepted her in. I later came to realise that she is a 'mumu' (illiterate). She can't even speak good English, doesn't even know how to read, or even how many days make up a month. I'm tired. We have no child. I don't know how to chase her away.
I'm a university graduate. She's not on my level. She has a lot of weaknesses. Ni mjinga excess. Haelewi anything. Our families know we're married. Please advise.
You are blessed that you have a wife. You seem to be very angry with the fact that she's not educated. However, you loved her and got attracted to her. You can train and teach her and you might be surprised she might make the best wife for you. Women learn fast and have a sixth sense apart from formal education that helps them learn a lot including new language or culture.
If she is teachable, submissive wife with good character and a good listener, don't dump her but groom her.
Joel Maina, Chair, Marriage Building Family
I wonder how you dated this lady for some time without knowing that she didn't know English. Anyway, it is sad that you learned about this while already married. However, marrying a fellow graduate doesn't guarantee a happy marriage either. I suggest you sit down with your wife and discuss a way forward.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Senior Pastor Mitume P.A.G Church Kitale
No, you didn't marry this woman you are describing. You instead took her in to stay with you because of circumstances, something that you should not have allowed to control your actions. But since you have realised all the weaknesses that she has and you don't seem ready to tolerate them, then there is no need to force issues unless you want to have a loveless engagement. The option of finding a suitable person solely relies on you. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
It's unfair and unacceptable for you as a man to lead on a woman, take her in as a wife then turn around and call her mjinga. This clearly demonstrates that you only wanted to use and dump her. When you genuinely love somebody, you will help make them better. You don't mock them for their predicament. Have you ever wanted to know why she never went to school?
I shall reframe your concern. I am a graduate and wormed my way into the heart of a fair but dim-wit maiden. I plucked her from her comfort zone and lived with her. I ravished her. Now when the novelty has worn off, I have realised that she is a simpleton. I have also lo! and behold realised that I am a graduate. How do I dump her after wasting her emotions? You have to ease off this simple lady in a morally acceptable way. You do not deserve her nor does any woman. Set her up in a business or give her a big financial settlement. It is the best you can do. Because of you her faith in society is forever torn. Hell has a special place for you.
I have gone over your story and a few things stick out. You dated your wife before she became your wife. Regardless of the duration between meeting and marrying her, you had the option of evaluating her before marriage. There must have been attraction traits in relation to her hence why you married her. You are entitled to change your mind about someone because no one should be in a relationship if the bond is no longer there. I do recommend that you do not use her weakness against her. If you are done with the marriage you need to disclose it to all relevant parties but do not stay on to please others.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
I am happily married with two children but my problem is I am addicted to sex. Every Saturday I have always had a new lady with me for the last six years. I have over 2000 women in my phone book and I am still meeting new ones at functions like weddings. I have tried to stop it but any time I step out on Saturday I must look for a new lady. Please advise on how to stop thinking of other women.
