Hi, I'm 24 years man, a third-year student at University, and I have a problem when it comes to relating to women. I have tried dating several ladies but it couldn't work. I honestly hate women. I can't sustain any relationship or friendship with a lady for a long time. I have this feeling that makes me dislike any lady who falls for me. I'm an extrovert, talkative, and a very social person (Politician in making). I thought that by my graduation, I will have gotten a good woman but with the hate and dislike I have for them, I see this not happening. Kindly advise. Danson
Danson, your story is very disturbing. You have two lives that you want to live but you haven't decided how to balance them. Remember, even if you became a politician today, talkative or not, you need a wife. Politicians out there too have wives, so your story is not any different. From my understanding, your attitude towards women changed the moment you realised that as a politician, you need to uncontrollable talk. Seal the hole from which hatred is originating from otherwise things may not work for you on either side of the coin.
Samson, you need a counselor. It seems something must have happened to you while you were young which made you hate women, or you were badly hurt after a breakup. How do you relate to your mom? Your situation can be rectified. What you need is someone who understands your situation.
How do you expect to relate well with something you hate? It can't be possible. I would advise you to change your attitude first towards women. Find out the root cause of your hatred and deal with it; you have to treat the cause. Were you betrayed by one? Were your kin humiliated or played by one? If you find out from where you derive this feeling of hatred and deal with it, you will be well enough to enjoy a healthy relationship.
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
Your knowledge of your hatred for women is a good place to start as you seek a way to rethink your sentiments. You need to ask yourself what a woman did to you for you to hate her. Disliking a woman is one thing but you say you hate women which is a very strong feeling. What was said or done for you to have such a negative perception of women? If you can answer that question, you will be closer to an evaluation of whether you can forgive the past and attempt to move forward in regards to repairing your relationship with women. It is important to note, that a good woman does not just come around. A productive bond is nurtured over time by two compatible people. You are also still young and you will meet a variety of women and you need to associate with like-minded personalities.
Hello, I am 19, and at 18, I fell for this guy, who I met in church functions. He too loved me, and it was easier to meet up when I joined campus. We never however had sex as I wanted to wait. Months later we argued and thought we should break up. It was his idea and I was heartbroken. I started partying and drinking with my friends to nurse my heart and fit in. I then met this guy who after we became friends, invited me to his place, and he forced me to have sex with him. I regret ever going there but I chose to accept my gullibility. I decided to forge on and be bold. The issue is that after six months I am back with my ex. I still love him though it’s now harder for me to trust a man. I feel his motive is to have sex with me, now that I told him am no longer a virgin. A lot of his talk revolves around sex. I once asked him about his goals or future plans and he got angry.
To me, these are red flags. I am really loyal to my standards but he doesn’t get that. He asked me once to send my nudes but I couldn’t and now he says I don’t trust him. I read and love learning new things but he says I am pretending to be someone I am not and I don’t act my age. He believes sex will bond us more. I am afraid of getting intimate again. I love him and I don’t want to lose him and neither do I want to experience another heartbreak. I don’t want to lose myself too! What should I do? Eda
