A group of young professional women invited me to their group meeting last weekend. I was unsure whether this was another chama with its own demands or a duplication of what I was used to, but I decided to go anyway.
The meeting took place in a secluded room at one of the city's high-end restaurants, and a sign on the door read MEMBERS ONLY.
“This is not a chama,” started the leader in introducing the group. “We are the divas and this is a divas club!” Most of them were on their phones texting. One was applying lipstick and another was busy trimming her eyebrows while holding a small mirror.
“We have heard your sex stories and have a question,” the leader continued.
“Was it the sugar daddy thing?” interrupted a member. “No, let us discuss vibrators,” shouted another one. “No, no, no, I suggest we talk about abortion,” shouted one from the back.
“Ok, quiet everyone,” the leader ordered. “We are on the topic of sexting,” she said with finality.
“Ok, there is this guy who showed my sex text to his friends and I am thinking of suing him, what do you think?” interjected a member.
If we think that sexting is now acceptable, then we will need to revise our pornography laws to accommodate it.
Photo credit: Nation Media Group
“Quiet Rose, shut your mouth,” the leader ordered. “We want you to tell us how to safely manage sex texts, you know, how to avoid risks. I am sure you know what I'm talking about,” she explained.
I asked a few questions to help me understand and also create a common understanding of sexting. There was consensus that sexting is the exchange of nude photos by phone messaging systems, including use of Viber, WhatsApp, SMS and other applications.
“This is how we do it. You take a selfie while naked or you call a friend to take it, you pose in various positions, then you send it,” one member explained, adding that there is reciprocal receipt of photos. You send yours and receive your man’s nudes as well. Sometimes the photos only show specific parts of the body such as breasts or genitals.
“And what is the purpose of sexting?” I asked. “To fling and feel nice,” a member answered.
It was time to share my knowledge with the divas. Sexting is an emerging sexual behavior that is common among young people.
It is estimated that up to 25 per cent of teenagers could be sexting. Some send nude photos to people they are already intimate with. Others ask for or send photos as a way of passing a message of sexual intention.
If the relationship backfires, sometimes jilted lovers circulate the photos to their friends as a way of punishing those involved. This can be devastating.
What people need to know is that anything shared online ceases to be confidential. It can easily circulate to other people either intentionally or by mistake. Your boyfriend or girlfriend’s relatives or friends can easily bump into the photos by mistake. Sometimes friends share the photos as they discuss their new catch.
Anytime you exchange a nude photo, therefore, just be aware that its circulation is out of your control.
Exchange of nude photos also qualifies as propagation of pornography, which is an offence under the law.
This is especially dangerous if you receive or send photos to those under the age of 18 years. This could land you in jail for years.
Some insights from research are insightful. If you take two groups and compare those who have been sexting with those who have never, the sexters are likely to be having multiple sexual partners. This may increase their risk of diseases such as HIV.
Still, there is the problem of alcohol and drug abuse. Sexters tend to get intoxicated before indulging in sex. The reason behind this is not yet clear to researchers.
The problem of intoxication before sex is that one cannot negotiate for safe sex. The risk of disease and unwanted pregnancy therefore rises.
“But you see, we cannot stop sexting,” interrupted the leader. “We know you may not understand because of your age, but it is just the in-thing. It is the modern way of doing things.”
Well, social life does change, and it is expected that technology will and in fact has already impacted the way people relate in a big way.
If we think that sexting is now acceptable, then we will need to revise our pornography laws to accommodate it. Before that happens, it may be dangerous to the sender in case a third party, such as a parent, comes across the photos. Legal action can be taken.
Still, you should use technology in a way that enhances your values. As long as you are aware of the consequences of texting and you remain within your value limits, it should be fine.
If we are in control of our sexuality and can make informed choices, avoiding risk and illegality, then divas do have their way with sexting.
There was a long silence in the room. I was not sure whether I had annoyed the divas. They bid me goodbye as they walked out of the room one by one. There was no official closure of the meeting. I realised we were yet to fully connect, this having been our first meeting.
