We are sorry to be the bearers of bad news, dear Kenyan man. But the days when a man sowed a seed and then did the bare minimum as the count began to nine months for a baby to be born are long behind us.
These are the days of baby showers, push gifts, babymoons, baby bump shoots, baby registries and all that jazz. Feeling lost already? Then you are about as evolved as a dodo in this fast-changing world.
As a modern man, your better half getting pregnant means your wallet must be delivered numerous times before the baby is delivered. Some men have complained of the financial “labour” pains the optional pregnancy-related expenses subject them to, though there is no shortage of celebrities and ordinary folk who encourage splurging cash to make the mother happy.
As a man, you will be required to cough up a decent sum for a scan to establish the gender of the baby, and this should culminate in a posh gender reveal party if you are a dad worth your salt. This can cost up to Sh500,000, depending on the venue, attendants and how much of a show you want to put up when revealing blue for a boy and pink for a girl.
Joshua Bosire, an events planner and the brains behind JayB Events says the cost of such an event depends on the standard that the client wants to set and the budget.
“Most venues don’t charge. Someone books a hotel that gives them a venue and a buffet, let’s say Sh2,000 per person,” said Mr Bosire. “In terms of decorations, if it is attended by about 20 people, the decoration costs Sh50,000 and above.”
The two main colours used in gender reveal parties are pink for a baby girl and blue for a baby boy.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
“At least on every weekend, there is a baby shower or gender reveal somewhere,” he says.
Asked about the average cost of a gender reveal party or a baby shower, he replies: “In total, because this is not an event that needs many people – let’s say about 20 –decoration, venue and other expenses cost Sh70,000 and above.”
The expenses don’t end with gender reveal parties. As a man, you should be prepared to pay for a decent photoshoot at some stage of the pregnancy. Most photographers fancy the seventh to the eighth month of that journey. Your significant other needs to look queenly as she flaunts her protruding tummy. And yes, the belly must be captured in all its bareness, punctuated by the Linea nigra (black tummy line) that should be flaunted like a medal of some sort. What’s more; social media platforms need to be filled to the brim with those photos. If the cliché poses of planting your ear next to the tummy as the photographer clicks away is what makes the queen happy, as a man you will have to play along.
As a modern man, your better half getting pregnant means your wallet must be delivered numerous times before the baby is delivered
Photo credit: Shutterstock
“It costs Sh5,000 if you want to hire a gown from us. That is for 15 high-quality and well-edited shots,” one of the businessmen specialising in this type of photography in Mombasa tells Saturday Magazine when we reach out through a number provided online. If you want them printed into hard copies and mounted, he says, you will pay more.
When your pregnant partner is in the second trimester – a time when most pregnancies are at their most stable – you will be out of fashion if you don’t go for a babymoon. Well, there are honeymoons and there are babymoons.
This is a holiday that involves the dad- and the mum-to-be, who visit a new place and enjoy moments alone as their developing progeny pummels the mother’s tummy.
“If this is your first baby, a babymoon sets aside time for you and your partner to have the romantic alone time you’ll crave when you have a demanding new family member. If this is a subsequent pregnancy, a babymoon offers your family a moment to cherish how far you’ve come together,” explains babycenter.com.
Around that time, there is also the baby shower. Though this is largely left to the expectant woman’s girlfriends, the man has to back up the budget. The couple will also prepare a baby registry, which is a list of items they need to cater for the baby – from diapers to car seats – so that their friends’ gifts are bought with some order.
Then there is the delivery time, and here there are no limits as to where and how you want the baby to come to the world. You can pay for elective Caesarean delivery and a private delivery room, which does not come cheap.
Most women prefer the luxurious maternity wards, which have separate rooms with crystal chandeliers, cozy leather couches for guests, foldable extra beds for the spouse, ensuite bathrooms with bathtubs, a private lounge, free Wi-Fi, and hotel-like a la carte meals.
Afterwards, you need to pamper the new mum with a push gift for the noble work of bringing forth life. Need inspiration on this? Examples abound. Comedian-turned-politician Phelix “Jalang’o” Odiwuor told The Star in 2021 that he rewarded his wife, Amina Chao, with a car every time she gave birth. That is two cars for two children.
Comedian Mulamwah splashed wads of cash in front of cameras when his partner gave birth in 2021. Comedian Eric Omondi gifted his partner a new car in June. Kate Actress got a car worth millions as a push gift in 2020.
Mulamwah (real name David Oyando) told Saturday Magazine that there are all reasons to give a push gift if the man has the wherewithal.
“It is okay to gift (your partner) if you are in a position to; depending on your ability. It is not easy to get someone to get a child with you. She has done a lot and sacrificed everything for that, so they always deserve the best,” he says.
“But if you don’t have the resources, love is enough. Company is also good — being there always.”
When your pregnant partner is in the second trimester – a time when most pregnancies are at their most stable – you will be out of fashion if you don’t go for a babymoon.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
“It also helps reduce postpartum stress in ladies,” he notes.
Well, it is time to ask yourself what stone you live under if you are the type that leaves your partner to go through the motions and come out of pregnancy with a just basin from the hospital alongside the newborn and little else.
However, you are in good company if you consider what Silas Nyanchwani, an author has to say on this matter.
“Unless the wife can afford it herself, men should restrict the use of their finances to meaningful investments in the family such as building a home, education policy, and investments for the future. Many young men are forced to spend cash on frivolous things by their wives. Wives inclined to do such vanity projects hardly stick around if the man goes broke. It is the responsibility of the man to ensure financial prudence in the family, seeing as some women can be wasteful,” Mr Nyanchwani, the author of 50 Memos to Men, tells Saturday Magazine .
“It doesn’t mean that the man should be so mean as to deny his wife some reasonable leeway of cherishing or enjoying the moment. Stuff like baby showers are good and it is a modern way for women to support each other in the journey of motherhood. What I am against is wastefulness while seeking external validation that some wives crave,” he adds.
Irene Wachira, an event planner and a mother, said some of the pregnancy-related events are a stretch.
“It’s unfortunate that due to the pressures of life, social media and societal expectations, we find women spending a lot of money on these events. Traditionally, our mothers celebrated the baby after birth. In my culture, it’s called ‘kucugia mwana’ . We have now borrowed the Western culture by introducing events like gender reveal parties. If you have the money and support from friends, by all means, do it. But don’t break the bank or force people to plan unnecessary parties. What matters is ensuring the well-being of you and the baby,” notes Ms Wachira.
Ms Wachira shared that, at a business level, there are positives to pregnancy-related events.
“As an event organiser, it’s a good opportunity to increase revenue streams such as planning for the mother’s baby bump shoots. It also brings out the creativity in planning for some of these events,” she says.
Unapologetically vouching for men to spend on their pregnant partners is Dorine Ongeri, a singer and a finance graduate, who says it is not every day that a woman has a bun in the oven.
“It’s justified because those things happen once in a while for a woman,” she says.
“A baby bump shoot, for example, is one way of keeping memories for the expectant mother. It’s also important to know that women will ask for these things if they know their husbands/boyfriends can afford them. As much as we women want those baby bump shoots and push gifts, we also are considerate of what the situation is with our significant other. And men should stop complaining because some of these things like baby showers are organised by the pregnant woman’s friends without the man using a coin,” she says.
Sue Munene, a pastor at Overcomers Hope Ministry in Nairobi is a marriage counsellor alongside her husband, Joseph Munene.
Pastor Sue, of the “twa twa twa” fame, tells Saturday Magazine that a number of factors have contributed to making pregnancy not just a private affair.
“The rise of social media has really contributed to the desire for distinctive and memorable experiences, leading to the popularity (of these) events,” she says.
Other reasons, she explains, include changing cultural norms, pressures and expectations and the growth of consumerism.
“Critics argue that the commercialisation of pregnancy has led to unnecessary expenses. Some believe that these activities are taking advantage of a significant life event and forcing expectant parents to spend more money than they had planned,” she says.
“It’s important for couples to communicate openly about their feelings and expectations regarding these celebrations. I would encourage them to find a balance that aligns with their values and financial situation. If both partners are on the same page, it can help mitigate any feelings of resentment or frustration,” she says.
“However, some men may express worries about the costs and pressures associated with these trends. In the end, everyone will handle these trends differently, and what matters most is the expecting parents’ health and happiness as well as that of their expanding family,” adds Sue.
