Kindly advise me and don't expose my name. I’m a 32-year-old married woman. We have been married for 10 years and have two kids. My issue is that my husband takes drugs popularly known as kuber. This has affected him till he can't perform in bed. I have been patient for the last three years, helping him to improve but he hides and takes the drugs. I am tired of helping him because he doesn’t care for my concerns. I also have sexual feelings. Can I get out of the marriage because I don’t believe in cheating? Remember he is not unwell; the drugs are a problem that are of his own making.
You should convince him to visit a counselor to deal with his drug use. I hope he will agree to join a rehab facility. All the best.
Lastly, intervention can also help motivate loved ones to get the help they need. An intervention brings family and friends together to address the individual’s addiction while encouraging them to seek treatment. Interventions are most successful with the guidance of an addiction professional. I wish you well.
Fred Jausenge, Doha Qatar
I must congratulate you for being patient with your husband, and also for your efforts in trying to help him beat the addiction. This is one way of fulfilling the 'for better or for worse' part of the marriage vows. Every marriage has challenges, so moving out is not the solution. Talk to him without being judgmental, but out of concern. You will hear his side of the story. It seems he is addicted and so quitting requires a different approach. Talk to him and persuade him to seek a medical approach in overcoming it. Experts will advise on how to quit and deal with withdrawal symptoms. Walk with him through the journey to recovery. Be prayerful about the situation, for prayers, combined with actions, do miracles.
I can only imagine how you feel. I suggest that you reach out to a rehabilitation center for help before you opt out of the union. I don't know if you are inclined to any religion, as church leaders can intervene. If you try all this and there is still no change, then we can think otherwise. I believe there is still hope. It is always not over until it is over. I wish you well.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale
It is commendable you respect your marriage to an extent that you cannot go out and cheat for sexual satisfaction. The fact is that your dear husband is battling addiction and since you have tried with no success, it is time to see a professional doctor. Rehabilitation is highly recommended. So maintain some patience and be ready to help your husband recover. The rewards of your patience will not only benefit you as his wife but your whole marriage.
Only you can decide whether to leave or stay in your current predicament. Life is not a straight line, not even with all the wishes for your husband to adopt the straight and narrow life. He ultimately has the final decision to stop or limit his habit. Before you throw in the toadvise advice you to sit him down and be as candid as possible so that he is fully aware of why you would opt to leave the marriage. If your truth cannot caution him to rethink his ways then perhaps you will have arrived at the end. Be calm and collected and share your concerns without guilt-tripping him. Give him the facts, especially since his habit is affecting your intimacy. He needs to understand that you want him but his hurdles are pushing you away because at some point the struggle is not worth the effort. Try to open his eyes so that in case you do leave he will look back and realise that he had the choice to be a better version of himself to safeguard your union.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
Whenever an issue arises in our marriage my wife rushes to insult me. My wife doesn’t admit that she is wrong and always defends herself by abusing me. Three weeks ago, a family issue arose, and she resorted to insults. She told me that I shouldn’t have attended any school because I act like a stupid person and that she was brighter than I was. She went on to say that if I have paid dowry I should go and collect it and that I could quit the marriage if I wanted to as she could manage without me (I pay the rent), and dared me that if I was man enough I could have already separated from her. I remained silent.
What makes it worse, is that we can stay for a week without sex and if I make a move on her she claims to be tired or she feigns sleep immediately after she gets into bed. What is your take on this? What should I do? Hide my identification.
