Remedies for the man who climaxes too soon
I am unable to say whether female animals ever get orgasms.
What I know is that other primates have similar sexual organs as humans, including a clitoris. Some scientists have stimulated monkeys and even a cow in the lab and for sure orgasm happened after some time — but that is different from a bull running after a cow and mounting her for a quick rough minute.
That was my answer to Ruth and Samuel when they visited the sexology clinic and asked whether it is only human females who get orgasm in the animal kingdom.
“But I am a human sexologist, not a veterinary one, and feel free to consult further,” I added.
The couple had come to the clinic after a heated argument at home. Ruth blamed Samuel for her sexual dissatisfaction. She said the man was fond of stimulating her and rapidly ejaculating, leaving her in limbo.
“But cocks run after hens and finish it in less than a minute, and bulls do the same”, Samuel interrupted, “it is the natural way and you should tune your body to it”.
Ruth was 27 and Samuel was 29. They were only two months old in their marriage.
“Before we got married, we had sex twice, but it was hurried and we felt guilty about it,” Ruth explained. “I, therefore, took the premature ejaculation at that time to signal the circumstances under which we found ourselves. Little did I know that this would be the order of the day.”
I took to investigating the couple. You see, premature ejaculation has many causes. A thorough medical examination to find the cause is very important. For one, hormonal problems can cause both erectile dysfunction a well as premature ejaculation. Medical problems such as anxiety or depression can similarly cause the problem.
More commonly, relationship issues are the cause. When such is the case, the man in the relationship often feels disempowered and loses his ego, and this can reflect in his inability to hold ejaculation. This may, then, be coupled with a fear of failure to perform which only worsens the situation. Most couples end up avoiding sex to evade the embarrassing and stressful situation.
“You know what, doctor? Perhaps we are not on the same wavelength,” Samuel interjected. “We are fine, we have no relationship problems, and personally, I think my wife is exaggerating issues here.”
When one ejaculates before penetration or within a minute or two of penetration, that is normally taken as premature. If either the man or woman is distressed that the ejaculation is happening too early, then the problem needs medical attention.
It is important to note that, on average, penetrative sex takes five to seven minutes. It is also important to note that there are instances when the female takes too long to climax, and even when the man is normal, the woman ends up dissatisfied. This discordance can be misinterpreted as premature ejaculation.
“Samuel rarely lasts 30 seconds and this thing is frustrating,” Ruth said.
We all agreed that the couple had premature ejaculation. Medical history, examination, and laboratory tests, however, yielded no medical cause of the problem.
Psychological assessment also gave no cause to the problem.
A detailed assessment of the relationship showed that it was in a healthy state.
The couple understood each other well. There were no power struggles in the relationship. Communication was perfect, no wonder their interesting discussion on whether hens and cows ever get orgasm as a way of getting to understand their problem!
The last area of assessment was the couple’s sex techniques.
It turns out that they were both amateurs. They grew up in sexually conservative families and the only sexual experiences they had were the two quick incidents as they prepared to wed. As such, they were wallowing in the dark with little knowledge of their sexuality. I made a diagnosis of premature ejaculation secondary to a lack of sex skills.
We developed a sex coaching programme which started with learning how sexual response happens.
Due to the collapse of sex education, many people grow up not knowing how to handle sexual situations. Many resort to pornography to learn.
Armed with hand-held gadgets and the internet, many people start watching porn in childhood.
Couples finding themselves in this undesirable situation do benefit from structured sex coaching.
As always happens, solutions to sex problems do not come in a day. It was three months after I met Ruth and Samuel that we wound up the sessions.
“And I just missed my periods”, Ruth said during our last session, “and the pregnancy test is positive. So, we will need your help with how to handle our intimacy during pregnancy.”
So, as we ended treatment for premature ejaculation, we started coaching on sex during pregnancy.
