Have you ever met a man and when they tell you that they are 30 your jaws drop? Their physical appearance is similar to that of men in their late 50s or even 60s and you start to wonder what went wrong.
Then there are those who are the opposite; they will say that they are 60 and this gets you baffled because you had directed a lewd joke at them assuming they were in their late 20s or early 30s. I meet such men all the time in the Sexology Clinic and women tell me that these oldies who look young are attractive and romantic. This made me get interested in studying what makes a man stay young and romantic.
One thing that I found is that these romantic men are very clear on their ambitions. They have something that interests them in life they keep working on it. I met this 63-year-old man whom I mistook for one in his 40s. He spends a lot of his time developing apps for delivering short courses using a mobile phone. To him each day is exciting and he looks forward to discovering something new.
Then there was this 68-years old politician with big ambitions beyond the post he was already holding. He was working on an elaborate plan for his next high office. I mistook him to be 45. I concluded that the secret to a man staying young and romantic is to have a life purpose or a mission in life that keeps him engaged.
I met another man who by then was in his late 50s and he was looking forward to retirement and going to live in the village. I re-met him a year after he retired and he looked haggard and unkempt. He had joined the local brew drinkers league in his village, and at 60 he looked 80. He died a few years later. He did not have a clear life purpose; he had no reason to live. He was lost after retirement.
“But what do you mean by life purpose doctor?” one young man recently asked me in the clinic when I narrated these stories. Having a life purpose is not an easy thing for everyone. Simply put, when you are out to do something great to help humanity; to improve the lives of other people then you do have a life purpose.
The second thing I discovered about these romantic men is that they do not want ill health to distract them from achieving their life purpose. They are therefore very keen on staying healthy. I met one who spends quite a sizable chunk of his money each year doing medical check-ups.
Most of them are also quite picky about what they eat and drink. Many are exercise adherents and are physically fit. I think they have realised that you can only achieve your ambition in life when you are alive and healthy and so they do not take chances with their health.
It is not that the romantic men do not have diabetes and high blood pressure or arthritis. In fact, I met one who is a cancer survivor. His cancer was detected early because of his good health habits. He had gone for his usual annual medical checks and the cancer was diagnosed. Because it was still early, the treatment was easy and successful. These men take medical advice seriously. They adhere to treatment as prescribed and change their lifestyles to match their health status.
The men who appear unromantic, those premature agers care the least about their health. Some actually have money but prefer to use it on recreation or some random business rather than on medical care. Mostly, they do not follow medical advice and those who are diabetic or hypertensives are constantly in ill-health.
What is even more intriguing is the state of mind of the romantic man. He believes in himself. He values and loves himself – I think that is why other people love them; nobody loves a person who does not love themselves. They are also confident but not arrogant. They are interested in learning new things even as they age. Many enjoy reading or listening to podcasts. They are lifelong learners. They continuously improve their skills in their areas of expertise. When they fail to achieve any of their goals, the romantic men take failure as a normal event in the path to success. They are not bogged down by such events but use the lessons to press on in achieving their ambitions.
I have also learnt that these men are super at connecting with others. They have quite a bit of emotional intelligence. They are self-aware, they treat others with dignity and respect but still remain firm in focusing on their life purpose.
And one more thing: sexually the romantic man is significantly better. Sex is normally an affirmation of a good state of body and mind. They tend to maintain good sexual activity late into their sunset years.
While I have not researched this phenomenon on women, I think it may apply to them too.
