Stories abound of men who have lost their spouses to gym trainers.
Most women go to the gym to either lose or gain weight, keep fit, or even as a hobby. But there are those who, when body confidence checks in, they set a new target.
They train their hearts and minds on the gym trainer. They begin to watch a little more keenly as he gyrates his waist as he conducts a Zumba class or the flexing of his arm muscles as he does biceps curls.
These women get unreasonably comfortable with the fitness trainers, and close enough to whisper in their ears about their husbands’ sexual inadequacies or ask them to adjust the straps of their gym bras.
If other women in the gym giggle with the trainer or if he casts a long look their way, jealousy creeps in.
They have a permanent spot on the frontline of the class, and wear provocatively to ensure the trainer does not miss noticing the jiggling bosom as they do aerobics.
They buy the gym trainers gifts – expensive ones; the latest iPhone, a fridge, or a home theatre. “I was de-cluttering my house, I knew you wouldn’t mind these,” one told a gym trainer, or, “I travelled to Dubai and they had a sale so I bought you this phone,” another said.
Then this woman who goes to the gym to start loving the gym trainer the same way a philandering, older, richer man would love a younger woman, the goal being to make the trainer make up for her husband’s inadequacies.
Women-gym-and-affair conversations are no longer being had in hushed tones or behind closed doors.
Stories abound of men who have lost spouses they wedded in colourful weddings and paraded the photos on social media. Women with whom they share children. The beneficiary in such cases? Gym trainers.
Cases of men who have walked into gyms brandishing guns and threatening to shoot the chiselled, bare-chested, abs-displaying younger trainer if he continues having an affair with his wife, are not new.
“It all started very professionally. She was a businesswoman in Mtwapa. She approached me and asked whether I could give her one-on-one training sessions [personal training, a growing fitness trend in Kenya]. We agreed on the cost and she agreed to pay monthly,” James Njenga* a gym trainer tells Nation Lifestyle.
“We used to train in an isolated building near the beach from 5.30pm to 7pm. The first days, both of us were very disciplined. Then one day, we finished the exercises at around 7.30 pm because she had body pains, so we had to do stretches.,” he says.
“After the stretches, it was dark and as I was walking her home, she asked me whether I was married. I said I was. Another day, she asked for stretching exercises and that I massage her neck and shoulders. It is common to have sore muscles after exercises, so I massaged her. I don’t know how it happened, but I remember her leaning in and kissing me. I didn’t push her away. We made out. From that day onwards, she did not want to train as much. She wanted intimacy, so for four months we shifted base to her house,” James says.
But soon James’ wife caught wind of the affair. “She went through my phone and saw messages between me and the woman, and she was very angry. I had to relocate to Nairobi to keep my marriage. The woman still calls, hoping I will go back to Mombasa,” says James.
Although he has put the fling behind him and now earns an honest living at a gym in Nairobi, the temptations keep coming.
“I remember just recently, a guy signed up for gym membership. I was his trainer, and he liked my services. He requested me to also train his girlfriend,” says James.
“We started well but later she began getting really close. She would frequently open up and tell me things about her relationship, and how her boyfriend was not treating her well. I’m a good listener. One day she brought me a wrapped gift. I unwrapped it and found it was expensive wine.”
“She told me she likes men with abs and a wide chest. Nowadays I see her boyfriend come into the gym but he hardly talks to me. It seems he is jealous of me. He is obsessed with doing upper-body exercises. Perhaps he knows his girlfriend likes men as fit as me,” says James, adding that although he has had affairs with gym women,his cardinal rule is to never get involved with a married woman. “Wee...mke wa mtu sumu (Someone else’s wife is poison),” he says in his deep Mombasa accent.
John, another gym trainer, fell into this same trap. He got entangled with a married woman.
“When she first came, she would exercise in the evening. She would train like the rest but when we were doing Zumba, I noticed she always wanted to be at the front row. She would smile at me as I taught the class,” he recalls.
John says that by and by, this woman became comfortable with him to the extent she would occasionally call him “to check on him.”
“At lunchtime, she would call to ask whether I had had lunch then send me Sh2,000 and ask me to “eat well.” I didn’t think much of it since it is not unusual for trainers like me to get appreciated by clients. Months in, she requested me to walk her to her car, then asked whether I was in a relationship.”
Oblivious of her intentions then, John said he was not in one.
“When you get into one, choose someone who values you,” she told her. “My husband provides but he is not there for me, does not validate my emotions or affirm me. He is just there for the children, not me. Even sex, he rarely initiates it.”
Dumbfounded by the confession, John sympathised with her and at night when she texted that she had reached home safely, he responded with, “That’s great to hear. Good night, see you soon.”
This clearly made John’s trainee feel cared for because the next day, she showed up on time for gym class and was the last to leave.
“One thing led to another and we began dating. We began meeting in expensive hotels which she paid for, took mini-vacations and even road trips,” he says.
“She appreciated me and I reciprocated with affection and good sex. She has upgraded my house furniture. I live large because of her,” he says.
Does he fear getting caught?
“Hahaha....no! Her husband is always busy and we plan our schedules in a way that doesn’t intersect with his.”
Denis has been a gym trainer for years, and he is drawn to dedicated and committed clients.
Two years ago, he says, he met an unforgettable middle-aged woman.
“She never missed her sessions. She was always punctual and talkative. She complimented me and constantly praised my abs, broad shoulders and wide chest.”
“After training her for two weeks, she started sending me frequent WhatsApp messages showing me her body goals in skinny revealing leggings and innocently asking for ‘advice’ on what to do to make her behind pop.
“I thought she was just a motivated client seeking guidance. But then the gifts started coming. Small tokens at first—a protein shake here, a new gym towel. Soon, the gifts became more extravagant—a smartwatch, a designer gym bag, and even a pair of expensive running shoes.”
To Denis, the gifts meant nothing, but then she invited him for a dinner date and framed it as a show of gratitude for his hard work and dedication in his job as a trainer.
“The dinner was at a fancy, upscale restaurant in Nairobi. She looked stunning in a revealing dress that accentuated her curves. It was hard not to notice her body. At the restaurant, we talked about fitness, life, and our dreams.”
“She drove me home but on the way, she started touching me suggestively, rubbing her hands on my thigh. Then she made a sudden stop. I told her I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship but she reassured me that all would be well, and then kissed me. The rest is history.
“She was wealthy and promised to support me, and that she would buy me a fancy house. I came from a poor family. I didn’t even go to college. My gym salary isn’t enough to pay my bills and take care of my mother, how will I have refused such an offer? Later, I learned she had divorced her husband, but I didn’t ask questions since I was benefiting from the situation.”
“I was however a bit uncomfortable with the arrangement because I wanted my own girlfriend, someone I could control. Although I loved her, she was controlling and demanding. She threatened to withdraw support if I got a younger girlfriend. After a year, I decided I could support myself. In June last year, I told her I was tired of that life. We parted ways, and she took everything she had bought me. She hadn’t bought me the house yet.”
According to a study by Ashley Madison, an online dating service for extramarital affairs, “going to the gym” is the fifth most common excuse used by cheaters when meeting with their extramarital partner. When they’re not “at the gym” they are “working late”, “meeting a friend”, “going shopping” or “on a business trip”.
For Paul, another fitness trainer, the affair was to brew in a home gym.
“I was fond of going for house call training sessions, but not anymore. I learned my lesson the hard way.”
“Last year, a woman in her late 40s reached out to me and requested personal sessions at her house. Because we’re in business to make money, I agreed. We made all the arrangements. She lived in Karen, and her goal was to burn calories and get fit. She paid for my transport, the training fee, and even gave me extra money. It was double what I would get from training more than five people. Money wasn’t a problem for her. She had a home gym, and our first week of training went smoothly.”
On the second week, Paul was met with a request to extend their training session, which ordinarily ended at 6.30pm, to 7.30pm.
“I obliged because that meant more money. The following week, she started wearing revealing clothes—very transparent tights. I could see her features and it made me uncomfortable. She began asking me to hold her waist as she did her squats. I told her how I felt about her dress code, but she insisted that the transparent tights were comfortable.”
“One evening, she took it a notch higher and wore an even more revealing outfit. She asked me to help her with some stretches, and it was clear she was seeking more than just fitness advice. I felt cornered, but maintained my professionalism. I calmly told her that our training sessions needed to stay strictly professional and that I couldn’t continue if she didn’t respect that boundary.”
Taken aback by his hard stance, the mood and attitude of Paul’s trainee changed, and Paul quit training her.
“That experience taught me a valuable lesson about maintaining professional boundaries. Now, I’m very cautious about the requests I accept. My priority is to provide the best possible training experience for all my clients, without compromising my values or professionalism.”
*Names have been changed to protect their identity.
