Questions police should never ask a molested, abused man
For men who don't heal after an abuse ordeal, they transfer the pain and anger to someone else.
What you need to know:
- Boys in Mathare, Korogocho, Dandora…are being molested, but who can they tell?
- 'How can a big man like you allow a woman to beat you?'
Last year, a young man in one of the Nairobi’s low-income settlements was molested by a man who projected himself as a friend. He was homeless and this ‘friend’ offered shelter, food and alcohol, the things sexual predators do to groom their targets and earn their trust.
Then a time came, at night, when he wanted his ‘pay’ for being a generous philanthropist. His resistance was caught with a brandishing knife. What would he do? Nothing!
The next morning, he threw him out. The young man went to a local police station to report. He had expected a reaction of urgency and empathy. Instead, he met police officers whose empathy was roaming elsewhere.
They asked him, “How would you let him penetrate your rectum?”
A question that should never have crossed the mind of police officers, the ones installed by laws of Kenya to protect Kenyans.
Without police officers, crimes will go unpunished since they receive and register crimes before investigating and arresting the criminals for prosecution.
The founder of an organisation that shelters abused boys and young men was informed of this case. We’ll keep the organisation unidentified to avoid exposing the young man and the founder.
Stigmatised
“If you treat the men like that, how do you expect them to open up?” he wondered.
“I can tell you for a fact, boys in Mathare, Korogocho, Dandora…are being molested, but who can they tell? Sometime ago, I spoke with girls from these slums who had been victims of defilement; they said their situation is incomparable with boys as someone will listen to them and they will not be stigmatised as bad as boys. They feel sad for the boys.”
In 2021, a man who had been battered by his wife sought the help of a Nairobi-based counselling psychologist.
“One of the things he was battling with is how he was handled by the police. His ego had been crashed and he felt useless,” said the counselling psychologist (we’ll also keep him anonymous to avoid exposing his clients).
“The police asked him, ‘how can a big man like you allow a woman to beat you? The police should know they leave these men with deep mental, psychological and emotional wounds that will take years to heal if they seek counselling. For those who don't heal, they transfer the pain and anger to someone else,” he warned.
The 2022 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey by Kenya National Bureau of Statistics proves that men are equally vulnerable. From the data, 27 per cent of men have experienced physical violence since age 15. Further, seven per cent have ever experienced sexual violence.
“Surely, why can't the society accept that boys and men are equally vulnerable and they need protection,” noted the founder of the organisation that shelters abused boys and young men.
