‘Would anyone ever marry me if I got a PhD?'
A happy graduand. People who still hold the retrogressive belief that a highly educated woman is not “marriage material” are obviously living in a time warp and will find themselves decaying right there.
What you need to know:
- People who still hold the retrogressive belief that a highly educated woman is not “marriage material” are obviously living in a time warp and will find themselves decaying right there.
- Education is a path towards enlightenment, enabling people to know and claim their rights. It is often a recognised pathway to social and economic emancipation.
“If I got a PhD, would anyone ever marry me?” This question arose during a workshop to disseminate research findings on gender issues in the country.
It was posed by a professor at a local university who recalled that when awarded a scholarship for a PhD abroad in chemistry, she was concerned about whether she would ever get a suitor afterwards, given that subject and qualification.
Long story short – she went and got her PhD. And there was a man to marry her.
A similar concern was raised by a PhD student who said her male peers were clear that she was not on their marital radar, because of her educational pursuits.
They preferred women with more modest education.
These experiences highlight men’s phobia for accomplished women, especially those with high educational qualifications, specialised in careers stereotyped as masculine, and in senior positions, particularly when the men themselves have inferior achievements.
It is known that men tend to marry women of lower status or that women partner with men of higher status.
Technically referred to as hypergamy, this trend is explained to have arisen from the fact that in ancient times, women had limited independent means of earning a living.
Thus, marrying a superior man instantly improved their material well-being. This enabled them to get a new “achieved status”, as sociologists call such change.
Many women still do so and derive what may be called glory by association from being wives of luminary men.
This would manifest, for example, in a woman married to a professor insisting that she be addressed as Mrs Prof Well, men have no similar opportunity as they do not derive their identity from their wives.
When a man marries a woman of a higher stratum (hypogamy), this norm is distorted because the wife is not seeking an improved status through marriage.
Men in this situation find themselves in unfamiliar territory because their expectation to be the senior shareholders in the relationships is no longer tenable.
In other words, anything that propels the wife above the husband upsets the equilibrium and deflates his power.
It is often also claimed that highly educated women are obstinate, and compete with and demean their husbands. This notion is probably a reaction to the fact that such women have a voice and are not ready to be mere observers.
And why not? Aren’t graduands told that they are being given the power to read and do all that appertains to the conferred degrees?
Taking part in decision-making and having a voice are integral to “all that appertains”. Once empowered, why should women not use the capacity?
It is also a commonplace claim that a man earning less than his wife is an automatic recipe for marital chaos because this inverts the norm of the man as the provider.
There is thus a perception that the wife will despise and embarrass him, in what can only be an internalisation of the patriarchal mind-set that a man who cannot provide is good for nothing.
This becomes an excuse for such men to want to assert their authority by using deviant behaviour, including violence.
Indeed, some theoretical works postulate that when men are unable to fulfil normative masculinity, they even resort to criminality to affirm themselves.
All these are patriarchal constructs that deny women space and consign men to outdated mind-sets and behaviours.
The late Luo musician, George Ramogi, was probably ahead of his time when he popularised a song about one Connie, not only an outstanding belle, but also an educated one.
He lauds her for building iron-roofed houses in the village, thus making it sparkle from a distance, thanks to her education.
In the lyrics ka nyako osomo gima ber ahinya Anyango aluori nyar Kendu (an educated girl is an asset, so I respect you, Anyango the Kendu woman), Ramogi summarises the value of girls’ education.
Many men who dance to this ageless tune have probably never discerned that it is calling upon them to value and recognise highly educated women.
Education is a path towards enlightenment, enabling people to know and claim their rights. It is often a recognised pathway to social and economic emancipation.
It provides a platform for exposure to a wider world than the local. It makes people critical, confident, articulate and autonomous. It enables them not only to be seen but to be heard too.
The more women benefit from education, and the higher the degrees they get, the better for society, marriage notwithstanding.
People who still hold the retrogressive belief that a highly educated woman is not “marriage material” are obviously living in a time warp and will find themselves decaying right there.
The writer is an international gender and development consultant and scholar ([email protected]).
