Domestic violence: When tables turn

There has been a global spike in domestic violence during the Covid-19 pandemic period. While women are predominantly affected by the vice, latest cases show that men too, are becoming victims.

The situation is so bad that some States in Germany are now shining the spotlight on men, and have unveiled hotlines through which male victims of gender-based violence (GBV) can report.

Kenya has not been spared. Last week, there were reports of a 33-year-old man allegedly stabbed to death by his girlfriend in Umoja estate, Nairobi.

Edward Okello, an engineer, was stabbed on the chest with a kitchen knife. He died on arrival at Mama Lucy Kibaki Hospital.

In a video that went viral on social media, the suspect said she could not establish what happened.

“I don’t know what happened…he started beating me. A woman will take anything to defend themselves. I took a cup and hit him with it…”

BEHIND BARS

Police said the suspect, Vigilance Shighi, reportedly disagreed over food with her boyfriend before knifing him in the chest eight times. The suspect is behind bars.

On the same week, a video of a man being beaten by his girlfriend went viral on social media. The man had allegedly cheated on the woman. The perpetrator has since been arrested and is in police custody.

Again in September 2015, Ruth Wanjiru Kamande then 21, made headlines after she stabbed her boyfriend 22 times killing him in Buruburu, Nairobi. Ms Wanjiru was arrested and charged with the murder of Farid Mohammed. In July 2018, the High Court found her guilty of murder and handed her a death sentence.

These cases are just a tip of the iceberg of violence meted out against men by their female partners.

Adonijah Kimanzi a counselling psychologist says the trend is worrying. He says many men are increasingly unable, or refusing to provide for their families making women aggressive. As a result, men are losing their voices in families and society, as women take up the breadwinner role.

“Since men are unable to meet the demand of their families of providing, protection and love, women are becoming more aggressive without the men noticing,

“Roles that were naturally reserved for men have been taken over by women, which has made the man weak thus creating conflict,” says Kimanzi.

EMPOWERED GIRL

The psychologist, however, adds that the boy child’s upbringing is also a major source of the problem.

“The girl child has become more empowered while the boy-child is left behind. Girls are now more powerful... In schools, girls are very confident while the boys are weak and only exhibiting low self-esteem,” he says.

He notes that these issues are the same ones carried over to relationships and marriages, creating conflicts. He adds that there is need to empower both the boy and girl equally, ensuring the man learns resilience and how to be responsible heads of families.  

Without equal empowerment for boys and girls, he says, domestic violence cases will only go up.

Gladys Chania a gender activist/counsellor says today’s woman is empowered in terms of education, economically and socially, a thing that has made them despise men in a way.

As a result, Ms Chania says, many women increasingly feel they can turn physical against their men.

“Women can really be intimidating once empowered….An empowered man cannot have a voice over an empowered women,” she says.

Many men, she notes, suffer from inferiority complex these days yet do nothing but stick to the relationship without attempting to rectify the situation.

“What men need to do is to strive harder and be confident and smart to undo the empowered woman,” she says.

Public Service and Gender Affairs Cabinet Secretary Prof Margaret Kobia recently said the country has witnessed a 30 per cent increase domestic violence since the Covid-19 pandemic was confirmed.

NAIROBI MEN

The CS noted that 90 per cent of the victims were women while 10 per cent were men.

“Stress among couple is on the increase due to the increased workload of working from home and children at home which has increased pressure mostly on women. Men are also facing challenges among them not been able to provide more so at a critical time like this,” said Prof Kobia.

The Kenya Demographic and Health Survey released in 2016, shows that men living in Nairobi and other major urban areas are at a higher risk of suffering domestic abuse than their counterparts in rural areas. It says men in Nairobi are 11.3 per cent more likely to be battered by their wives than those outside Nairobi.

This report also shows that there is a pattern in how abuse is perpetrated against men. Christian men, men with five or more children, and men previously married were more likely to have experienced domestic violence, it says.

Men who reported having significant wealth and the uneducated were the least likely to suffer from domestic abuse and violence.

The report further shows that Nyanza, Nairobi and Western regions lead in cases of domestic violence and abuse for both men and women.

Sixty per cent of men in Western and Nairobi were undergoing a form of spousal violence or abuse, while 56 per cent of men in Nyanza were at risk and/or already suffering domestic violence.

Some 48 per cent and 43 per cent of men in the Eastern and Central regions, respectively, reported domestic abuse and violence.

Another report the National Crime and Research Centre released the same year,  shows that the likelihood of men to suffer domestic violence was 48.6 per cent in Nairobi, Mombasa, Kilifi, Machakos, Nakuru, Kiambu, Meru, Samburu, Nyeri, Vihiga, Kisii, Busia, and Migori counties.

Men in Kiambu, Mombasa, Busia and Vihiga the report indicates, were particularly facing increased cases of abuse.