I witnessed my father beat my mother, several times
Valerie Aura, a survivor of domestic violence and anti-GBV advocate.
What you need to know:
- Valerie Aura, a domestic violence survivor wants the Kisumu County government to complete and equip three safe houses.
- As a young girl, she witnessed her father beat her mother many times but the mother never left.
- She left home in 2017 while in second year in university and is yet to go back.
Three months ago, Valerie Aura, a domestic violence survivor started an online petition addressing Kisumu Governor Prof and Gender County Executive Committee member Beatrice Odongo. She wants the county government to complete and equip three safe houses. This, she says, will lead to more victims being rescued, increase awareness and help manage stigma.
A 2022 June report by nation.africa showed that Kisumu County has yet to set up safe shelters for gender-based violence (GBV) victims, curtailing the anti-GBV fight.
“We started the discussions to put up the safe spaces in 2014, where we had three buildings commissioned for the services; however, none has been completed to date,” county principal gender officer Joel Okumu had said.
Ms Aura shares her personal story, which compelled her to start the petition.
No excuse
“While growing up, I witnessed my father beat my mother several times. The first time I recognised it, I was probably just six or seven years, but I am inclined to believe it started long before then. I wish I could blame the devil or even alcohol for my father’s behaviour but really, there is no excuse. It did not matter that he was sober or not, he was a very angry man.
Small things would set him off. And he was not afraid to throw things either; anything that appeared before him was good enough a weapon. I used to envy my friends who came from loving families because I too, wanted to experience a fathers’ love. Instead, I feared the man, especially when the violence spilled over to us, children.
Growing up in such a household takes a toll to your mental wellbeing. I was always sad that my mother never left. But perhaps, given the right amount of time, even the worst hell begins to look heavenly. I do not blame her though. The biggest reason she could not leave, I now realise, was because she had nowhere else to go.
Where I come from, there are also many gossips. My mother cared about what people would say if she left her husband, as if they were not already whispering behind her back.
No rescue
Of course, our neighbours, some of whom were supposedly her friends, heard her wails whenever the blows started to land. Nobody ever came to her rescue. And as a child, it pained me because I wished with my whole heart to save her but I was as insignificant as an ant.
Years have passed, I am a grown woman. I still desire to save her but first I had to save myself. I left home in 2017 while in my second year in university and I am yet to go back.
I struggled to provide basic needs for myself and to educate myself and was forced to move from one friend's or stranger's house to another.
Healing journey
I also faced unbearable stigma like many other domestic violence survivors. As I walk my journey of healing, I am taking other survivors along the way. Those who have gathered the courage to walk away from domestic abuse.
I hope that one day, my mother will stand to be counted among these women. But until then, I keep my fingers crossed and my heart prayerful while hoping that the county provides safe houses for violence survivors.”
